Author: James Browning

Three Sayings and a Poem

/ James Browning

Some mornings my gratitude is of a general sort instead of being focused on specific things. Today is one of those days when I woke with good spirits about being alive and feeling grateful about many things but impossible to sort down to one or two.  There is just too much this morning I feel thankful for. So instead, here are three sayings about gratitude and a favorite poem about what to be thankful for that in total encompass my morning thoughts and sentiments.

Learn everything you can, anytime you can,
from anyone you can;
there will always come a time
when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

Two kinds of gratitude:
The sudden kind we feel for what we take;
the larger kind we feel for what we give.
Edwin Arlington Robinson

The world has enough beautiful mountains and meadows,
spectacular skies and serene lakes. It has enough lush forests,
flowered fields and sandy beaches. It has plenty of stars
and the promise of a new sunrise and sunset every day.
What the world needs more of is people to appreciate and enjoy it.
Michael Josephson

Much of the lack that plagued my thoughts for so long is now filled in by gratefulness toward what my life already contains. Now there is far less of each day spent longing for more. Instead, one by one I am discovering my many blessings. What a wonderful feeling. It feels like uncovering life itself.

Be grateful for the kindly friends that walk along your way;
Be grateful for the skies of blue that smile from day to day;
Be grateful for the health you own, the work you find to do,
For round about you there are men less fortunate than you.
Be grateful for the growing trees, the roses soon to bloom,
The tenderness of kindly hearts that shared your days of gloom;
Be grateful for the morning dew, the grass beneath your feet,
The soft caresses of your babes and all their laughter sweet.
Acquire the grateful habit, learn to see how blest you are,
How much there is to gladden life, how little life to mar.
And what if rain shall fall today and you with grief are sad;
Be grateful that you can recall the joys that you have had.
Edgar Guest

I Have Been a Fool

/ James Browning

When one hears the word “lust” it’s common to conjure up sexual meaning. Certainly sex can be lust, but lust is many more things that just sex. In the realm of desire I have known sexual lust so strong it blinded me to almost everything else. But any such yearning compulsion pales in comparison to my greatest lust: the lust for perfection.

The dictionary defines “lust” as ” an intense longing; a passionate or overmastering desire or craving; an emotion or feeling of almost overpowering desire. My chasing of always elusive perfect people, perfect things and a perfect ‘me’ certainly qualifies. It has been the lust that plagued my life most.

Friday evening after work, a relaxing evening watching a movie was my chosen way of unwinding from the work week. Out of my stash of bargain used and closeout DVD’s, “Holy Smoke” was a near completely random pick. I had not seen it and knew nothing about the movie except it starred Harvey Keitel and Kate Winslet; both long time favorites.

Admittedly I have had an innocent boyish crush on Ms. Winslet since seeing Titanic almost fifteen years ago. Having seen the re-released “Titanic” on IMAX 3-D a few weeks ago, that sense about her had been refreshed. I’ve always thought she was attractive in an unaffected way and admired that she seemed never to try to be absolutely perfect. In the famous sketch scene in Titanic where DiCaprio’s character draws “Rose” laying naked on the sofa, Ms. Winslet looked sweetly innocent and lovely. As beautiful as she looked, if you pay attention you can see stretch marks on her breast in that scene that was admirably left un-retouched.

My Friday evening movie, “Holy Smoke” with Winslet and Keitel, turned out to be a quirky, but deeply revealing movie.  It touched me enough to cause a real shift in my perspective. It’s gritty realism hit hard in few spots in a manner that helped me see past some of my previous behavior and way of seeing others.

In the past I never felt I was “perfect enough”. The exactly ‘right’ shoes, car, home, vacation, suit, furniture, accomplishment, camera and so on always alluded me. Perfect was always just out of reach, but I kept reaching any way.

The “imperfectness” I saw and felt in myself also colored EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around me. No friend was quite good enough. No associate was talented enough.  No woman was ever perfect enough and accepting each one’s imperfections eluded me. Now I realize what I was perceiving was only hatred of my own lack of perfection and was layering it onto them.

In “Holy Smoke” Harvey Keitel is 50-something cult deprogrammer hired by the family of a mid-20’s Kate Winslet who has been mesmerized by an east Indian guru. There’s a night scene where Kate’s character sets on fire her clothing from the cult, a white sari, hanging outside on a tree. The flames wake up Harvey’s character who runs outside to find a completely naked Ruth (Kate’s character). That’s when my “changing” moment happened.

I sat on the couch stunned as I pressed pause for a few seconds looking at a naked Kate Winslet on the screen. That’s when for the first time I was able to truly see the beauty that is in a woman’s physical imperfection. I saw breasts that did not match nor were perfect in shape with irregular nipples. I saw bigger thighs and legs too large for me to have previously thought of as ‘perfect’. I saw a woman who wanted to be known just as she was and accepted in spite of any imperfection. That was the point of the scene of the movie and it worked. I accepted her openly and completely, seeing only the unique beauty that is 100% Kate Winslet. I will never be the same again.

The wrong of how I judged wives and girlfriends in the past is crystal clear to me now. Beauty is in the total package; the unique female each woman is. For those women who loved me who I judged about the shape of their body or any part of it, or I wished were more here and less there…I humbly apologize and ask your forgiveness. From butt to face, breasts to weight, height to hair, posture to stomach, from scar to skin tone I judged wrongly and saw imperfection I then wished was different. Even if you never know of my feelings now, I am still very sorry for being judgmental. It was my loss I could not see the unique beauty that each woman was. When Friday’s epiphany came over me while watching “Holy Smoke” I said aloud “I have been a fool. I have been blind. Why could I not see like this before?” Tears followed as the weight of my misguided view of the past began to evaporate.

Thank you Kate Winslet for your courage to be so fully seen in an uncensored and honest way. You’re imperfectly perfect and changed my life in a single movie scene! Substantial and deep gratitude is within me for this wake up call. I have let go of a way of perceiving that no longer works for me. Short or tall, skinny or full-figured, big breasted or small, little butt or big butt… the female form in all shapes and variety has become more beautiful to me in a way I have never seen before. True beauty is in the uniqueness of every one.

Beauty is an experience, nothing else.
It is not a fixed pattern or an arrangement of features.
It is something felt, a glow or a communicated sense of fineness.
What ails us is that our sense of beauty is so bruised and blunted,
we miss all the best.
D. H. Lawrence

Often a Sign of Love

/ James Browning

Saying “NO” is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself!  That was brought to the forefront of my attention through reading a couple of meaningful on-line articles this morning. I want to share what I came across.

A starter list of the benefits of “no” put together by Ron Edmondson points to just some of the advantages:

  • Saying “no” is the power to help resist temptation…
  • Saying “no” keeps you from the stress of overcommitting…
  • Saying “no” protects family life…
  • Saying “no” provides adequate time for what matters most…
  • Saying “no” preserves energy levels for prioritized work…
  • Saying “no” allows others opportunities they wouldn’t have if you always say yes…
  • Saying “no” permits you to control your schedule for an ultimate good…
  • The value of learning when to say no, and actually practicing it, is immeasurable!

In the “Health and Wellness” section on the website http://www.sheknows.com John Khoury made another list of benefits of saying “no” appropriately:

  • More energy. Not only will you be saving energy, the fact that you are now in conscious control will add extra energy.
  • More time. There are only 24 hours in a day, but from now on, more of them are for you.
  • More confidence. Saying “no” to others can often amount to saying “yes” to yourself. This is a back-handed “I love you” to the most important person in your life. Take it as a compliment and feel good about it.
  • More control. Saying “no” means you are behind the steering wheel and can go wherever you want.
  • More respect. You’ll respect yourself more and so will others. They might not like you as much, but if they were trying to step over your boundaries before, they probably didn’t like you much anyway – not really. At least you’ll have their respect when you show them your clear, no-discussion limits.
  • More fun. Yes, life is here to be enjoyed. When you stop working for others, you start working for yourself and start fitting in the fun.

What I need seems to appear on its own a good bit of the time. All I need to do it remain open and pay attention to what is brought into my path by a power beyond me. I feel no need to quantify that source. It is sufficient to me to instead express my gratitude. Today the message I received was saying “no” is frequently best and often a sign of love.

…there are often many things we feel we should do that,
in fact, we don’t really have to do.
Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone…
Elaine St. James

The Road Not Taken

/ James Browning

When the great American poet, Robert Frost died I was not out of grade school. While his work went over the heads of most my age when it was brought to our attention at the time of his death, the work touched me. The questioning manner of a good deal of Mr. Frost’s work suited me then during a troubled childhood. Even though his realistic depictions of rural living were about country life in New England the words also seemed a perfect fit for my growing up in the rural south. I adopted him as my “favorite” poet for most of my school years. His work was a good companion during my brooding teen years.

The Frost poem that wrote itself on my psyche most and has never left was “The Road Not Taken”. I resolved as a young man to make good choices and choose the best ‘road’ for my life. It’s  easy to read Robert Frost’s poem now and slide into thoughts of “I could have/should have” taken several different roads all my way.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Recently I found an answer echoing back to my lamenting about what life paths I have taken. William Kite’s sixteen lines came to me as a sort of answer poem to Robert Frost’s original “The Road Not Taken”.

Would things have really been so different?
Would the world really have been so shaken
If when I were a much younger man
I had chosen the road not taken?

Would the days have been any the brighter
Or the nights darker than they are?
Would I still have lived in such obscurity
Or shined brighter than any star?

It does little good to wonder
Of things that might have been
For who, and what I have become
I must live with in the end.

Though life could have been much better
All in all I do not feel forsaken.
I count the blessings that I have
And cry not of the road not taken.

I needed that! It is gratitude for what my living has actually encompassed that matters most and not whether the actual steps, chapters and roads seem now like the ‘best ones’. All of them taken in total “are my life”. Time is wasted by any thought of wishing my past to be different; it can not be rewritten. What is, “IS”.

By counting the blessings in every adventure from the difficult and grievous to the joyful and glad a colorful mosaic of life comes into view: my life. For all it has contained and yet will, I am grateful.

The past cannot be changed,
and we carry our choices with us,
forward, into the unknown.
We can only move on.
Libba Bray

Two Ears and One Mouth

/ James Browning

Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote, Talking is like playing on the harp; there is as much in laying the hand on the strings to stop their vibration as in twanging them to bring out their music.

My translation: it’s just as important to stop talking as it is to talk. I already know what I think and there’s little new going to come to me by talking about it. Different perspectives from others will often benefit me but is only possible by being a good listener.

I say all that to say, I am not a particularly good listener. I’m working on that though. Awareness helps and by keeping it forefront mentally growth is noticeable, but doesn’t come rapidly. Ingrained habits change slowly.

A question each person silently asks when meeting someone else is “Do you care about me”.  There are few things that show I care like paying attention to what someone else has to say. At that moment I am making that person one of the most important elements of my life and giving a meaningful gift that rarely goes appreciated.

An old axiom says if you spend a half hour with someone you’ve just met and let them talk for 25 minutes of the time, their impression will be you are an amusing and interesting person to talk to; someone they hope to see again soon.

To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the ‘music,’ but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow your mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning. (Peter Senge)

A personal big step forward came when I began to stop myself from thinking about I am going to say next while another was talking. When my attention is inside my own head focused on my own thoughts while another talks I always miss a fair amount of what was being said.  I am grateful for the reminder that listening is one of the most valuable gifts I can grant to another.

We have two ears and one mouth
so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
Epictetus

Refuse to Entertain Your Old Pain

/ James Browning

Reading is a favorite pastime and over the last fifteen years I have lost the majority of my interest in fiction; largely abandoned for non-fiction.  My preference has become reading about what actually happened, what others make of things or else simply reading to learn.

With this focus on fact, not fiction, occasionally I stumble across just the right words at a moment when they’re particularly meaningful to me. Such was the case with the following by Mary Manin Morrissey that grabbed my attention last night:

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

One foot on the brakes… Refuse to entertain your old pain… Those phrases rang loudly with insight for me the first, second, third and more times I read that paragraph over and over. My reaction is a good example of how a guilty man knows what’s true much more so than an innocent one. I do hold on to the past too tightly and dance with the pain back there far too often.

Today I make a renewed commitment to slacken the pressure of my foot on the ‘brake pedal’. Anew I promise to loosen my hold on the past. To the best of my ability I will “refuse to entertain” my old hurts and endeavor to increase my proficiency in doing that. I am grateful for the breath of fresh air just thinking these thoughts brings at the start of this new day.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go;
simply for the reason that they are heavy.
So let them go, let go of them.
I tie no weights to my ankles.
C. JoyBell C.

Feet in Your Shoes

/ James Browning

Life is beautiful and meant to be enjoyed by all, but does it sometimes feel like no matter what you do, your best is never good enough, and you’re not sure which direction your life is headed? Well, don’t worry because you’re not alone. The bombardment of stress in modern-day society as we know it can be overwhelming, but you’ll be amazed at how wonderful it feels to live a life that’s calm, peaceful, and full of happiness. You too can achieve this by making just a few simple day-to-day life changes.

A sunrise represents the beginning of a new day, and that day can be the day you choose to take charge, take control, and start truly enjoying your life. Come with me and start the journey. Tomorrow is on its way, so if you’re ready for change and want to experience the best life has to offer…let’s get started! (from “Life at Sunrise: A new day to take charge, take control, and enjoy your life!” by Tracey L. McCormick)

Congratulations!
Today is your day!
You’re off to great places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
From “Oh, The Places You Will Go” by Dr. Seuss

Sometimes I write here to match a very positive mood I woke up with. On other days you’ll find words intended to pick me up a bit and add to my day. Today is the latter and what is found just about is borrowed. Waking up groggy after 10 hours of sleep (yes, the long weekend wore me out) I needed a little nudge to be reminded of the great gift this new day is. I’m grateful for the ‘push”.

Live every day as if it were your last…
some day you’ll be right.
H.H. “Breaker” Morant

Inexplicably Wondrous

/ James Browning

Here we are on a Tuesday that will feel like a Monday all day long due to the holiday weekend. We’ll be a little confused as a society often wondering what day it is all week. To help me focus and keep my path clear to myself, here’s an affirmation I have adopted as my own:

I can not control
what you think of me.
Better yet, I do not
need to, for how you
see me tells more
about you than it does me.

I am who I am
regardless of what
others think or say
about me.

I accept full responsibility
for who I am and how I
live my life. I do not seek
to please others, to conform,
to be anything other than
exactly how my Creator made me.

I am grateful for the three-day weekend and am thankful to have a job to go back to on this Tuesday after Memorial day. It was a delicious morsel of life to have three days off in a row. Four would have been near perfection! I must remember that for the 4th Of July…

Even though life is not easy,
it is inexplicably wondrous!
James Browning

If You Are Able

/ James Browning

Flags are flapping in an Oklahoma breeze out front of many houses in my neighborhood today. As I drove by a cemetery this morning small versions of the Stars and Stripes seemed to cover the landscape. 

It’s Memorial Day when we remember and honor all soldiers and their service, especially those who lost their lives defending our country. As I sat here in front of my computer browsing, reading and being emotionally touched, I was moved to offer a sense of my reverence and gratitude here.

What hit me most was when I began to read about particular individuals.  Many of those stories touched my heart.   I picked one to share about a man who died in the war my generation fought: Vietnam.

“If You Are Able” by Captain/Major O’Donnell
(written before his death in battle).

Save for them a place
Inside of you,
And save one backward glance
When you are leaving,
For the places they can no longer go,
Be not ashamed to say
You loved them,
Though you may or
May not always have,
Take what they have left
And what they have taught you
With their dying
And keep it with your own,
And in that time
When men decide, and feel safe,
To call the war insane,
Take one moment to embrace
Those gentle heroes
You left behind.

Michael Davis O’Donnel Captain, Pilot, whose last known activity was March 24, 1970 was from Springfield, Illinois. He was promoted to Major once considered MIA. A reconnaissance team engaged an enemy force in Cambodia for three days and asked for extraction. Captain O’Donnel and his crew flew to the rescue. The pilot, ignoring his own safety, was attempting a rescue when his helicopter was hit by enemy fire then crashed and burned.

Had the drawing for draft numbers come up differently I could easily been one in the 70’s who served but did not come home to see family and friends again. Never will I think war is a good thing, but always I will greatly appreciate, respect and honor our warriors. With humble gratitude to Capt. O’Donnel and all who have severed (and the families who endure loss and all the grief of war) I say “thank you”: small words but expressed with deep conviction and gratitude.

We come,
not to mourn our dead soldiers,
but to praise them.
Francis A. Walker

I would appreciate it if you could help me honor our soldiers
by forwarding today’s blog to others. Thank you! 

Building Blocks of Merit and Significance.

/ James Browning

Outside of a few occasions of ‘beginner’s luck” I can’t think of a single time I got it right quickly when setting out to master something meaningful.  The endeavors where “beginner’s luck” showed up seemed hallow because not much effort went into the achievement.  Even more telling; frequently I could not replicant the initial success.  An outstanding start does pump a person up, but that’s not necessarily a positive. After healthy esteem any excess pride can easily turn into blinding conceit which does no one any good.

The accomplishments valued highest are the ones I labored most for, usually over a long period of time.  Time has taught me consistent, dedicated efforts are the building blocks of merit and significance.  Few things have been commented on more consistently than what adversity and challenge can bring. 

Disraeli said, There is no education like adversity. A similar view, All misfortune is but a stepping stone to the future, was held by Thoreau.  His friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, said the same thing using different words, Fractures well-cured make us more strong.  Ancients of two thousand years ago, such as Horace and Ovid, held parallel views.  The latter commented, Misfortunes often sharpen genius and his contemporary, Horace, wrote Adversity is wont to reveal genius, prosperity to hide it.   Carl, a friend of mine, said it with six simple words, Fall down, get up, try again.

‘Try Try Again by T. H. Palmer

Tis a lesson you should heed,
If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try again;

Then your courage should appear,
For if you will persevere,
You will conquer, never fear
Try, try again;

Once or twice, though you should fail,
If you would at last prevail,
Try, try again;

If we strive, ’tis no disgrace
Though we do not win the race;
What should you do in the case?
Try, try again

If you find your task is hard,
Time will bring you your reward,
Try, try again

All that other folks can do,
Why, with patience, should not you?
Only keep this rule in view:
Try, try again.

About the closest thing to perfection of logic I know is how imperfect effort is the surest way to accomplishment, achievement and even changing one’s self. Much gratitude resides within to know and accept the simple parable “try, try again” that’s been proven over and over through time.   

Do the one thing you think you cannot do.
Fail at it.
Try again.
Do better the second time.
The only people who never tumble
are those who never mount the high wire.
This is your moment.
Own it.
Oprah Winfrey