Author: James Browning

Muffling Gift of Falling Water

/ James Browning

Often I have written about my love of rain and how it fills a crack in my soul like nothing else. A long, soaking shower makes me feel safe and protected for reasons I have never fully understood, but I love the feeling just the same. Maybe probing for the why of it would mess it up any way.

This weekend where I live is forecast to have the two days of the first good rain we have had in a long time. The land around is dry and parched. Everything green is suffering and lots of it is only barely clinging to life. So today I celebrate in advance the life-giving rain that is on its way.

From “Rain in Summer” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

How beautiful is the rain!
After the dust and heat,
In the broad and fiery street,
In the narrow lane,
How beautiful is the rain!

Across the window-pane
It pours and pours;
And swift and wide,
With a muddy tide,
Like a river down the gutter roars
The rain, the welcome rain!

The clover-scented gale,
And the vapors that arise
From the well-watered and smoking soil.
For this rest in the furrow after toil
Their large and lustrous eyes
Seem to thank the Lord,
More than man’s spoken word.

Near at hand,
From under the sheltering trees,
The farmer sees
His pastures, and his fields of grain,
As they bend their tops
To the numberless beating drops
Of the incessant rain.
He counts it as no sin
That he sees therein
Only his own thrift and gain.

Already I know people and the landscape will be more joyful next week than today. The green will burst forward for all to see and the outdoors will be a more pleasant place to work and play. Gratitude will be due Mother Nature and I have already begun expressing my part.

The richness of the rain made me feel safe and protected;
I have always considered the rain to be healing — a blanket —
the comfort of a friend. Without at least some rain in any given day,
or at least a cloud or two on the horizon, I feel overwhelmed
by the information of sunlight and yearn
for the vital, muffling gift of falling water.
Douglas Coupland

Other blogs about rain:
Loving the Rain « Good Morning Gratitude
Loving the Rain Part II « Good Morning Gratitude
Mother Nature Gone Crazy? « Good Morning Gratitude

Life is Filled with Possibility

/ James Browning

POSSIBILITY: the condition or fact of being possible; an opportunity to do something, or something that can be done or tried; a future prospect or potential.

Growing mentally, physically and spirituality in the last decade has brought me to a vantage point of being highly grateful for possibility.

Before what is possible truly mattered I had to locate and find comfort being in the present.  First I needed appreciation for the good in my life. That was relatively easy. The difficult lesson was learning to see my bitter harvest of disappointment, heartache and grief needed to be appreciated as much as happiness, achievement and joy.  Otherwise I was only accepting and embracing a portion of my life, not all of it. Accepting “what is and has been”  turned out to be the gateway to believing in possibility. It was there my true hope was born.

As long as I live most anything is possible for me to know, achieve or experience. I can’t have everything I want, but a great deal of my dreams are, with doubt, possible.  The secret is to know what I want most and choose wisely which dream to pursue or open myself to. If I can’t sort out how I feel about a particular endeavor or direction that usually means I should not pursue it or I really don’t want it that much.

The imaginings I desire most to happen have become “can’t, not do”. For me it has actually become that simple. Once I realized I am naturally pulled toward what I should do and repelled by what I should not, making choices became somewhat simpler most of the time. The stumbling block is my thinking mind that wants to weigh every option and make near perfect choices. Within my thoughts it’s easy for me to get lost and lose track of what I am feeling. However, my feelings rarely mislead me.

Making good choices is no longer just about good logic. It’s more about feeling good about what I choose. What an eye opener and I am thankful for the insight.  As long as I live my life is filled with enormous possibility!

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.
If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing,
it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it.
On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it,
I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it
even if I may not have it at the beginning.
Mahatma Gandhi

The True Condition of Your Heart

/ James Browning

Many people believe their life story is more unique than that of many others. For some the belief comes from great sadness they have endured. For others the feeling is rooted in challenges over come. Some people see success as their defining elements. There are those who use heartbreak suffered as a sizeable part of their self-definition. Ultimately, we are all one of a kind who has never been before and never will be again. Genetics, environment, circumstances, happenings and the time we live within conspire to mold us uniquely.

Stepping back and trying to find and admit what has shaped me, I find sadness and a desire to be loved are two of my sizeable drivers. There is also depression has been a defining element in my life. Learning to see the difference between sadness and depression was a huge step forward.

In plain terms, I see sadness ranging from simple momentary unhappiness to long-term grief and sorrow. On the other hand depression is a sense of gloominess or dejection that has no specific source, although one usually tries to hang it on something or someone. Depression may come and go, but it never fully passes.

For some reason I have yet to fully understand, being sad and feeling depressed became friends of mine. Unhappy moods became like my favorite ratty clothes: well-known, familiar and comfortably worn just right. I became contented and safe (I thought) in being a “brooding and complicated man”. It was a large part of how I defined myself and found dark comfort from something familiar. I learned how seductive depression, sadness and bad moods can be.

I was ruled by negative feelings such as “oh, poor me”, “I am not loved enough”, “I had a difficult childhood”, “I was abused”, “I’ve had a difficult life”, “I’m not happy”, “I deserve better” and a litany of other self-told excuses. Lost in the darkness I was unhappy and not in control (which I long worked hard to hide). There were true reasons to be angry, sorrowful and grief-stricken, but I had never worked through them. It took getting to middle age to do that. Until then the darkness from the unresolved only got darker.

For me, getting better was not about strength or determination. Instead it took surrender. Until I allowed my negative mid-set to overtake me completely and to topple under the sudden weight of it all, there were no answers to be found. At first it felt smothering to let my feelings overcome me.  But like diving into deep water, I first sank then surfaced, began to breathe and then swim to keep myself afloat and moving forward little by little.

I’ve learned to be aware, yet patient with myself to work though things. Sometimes it takes days, weeks or even months for the full picture to come into focus, long after the initial sting of the pain surfacing is gone. If I remain open without becoming obsessed with a particular issue, the best path always seems to present itself eventually. Whatever comes, I acknowledge it, accept it and make some sort of peace with it. I am grateful for that learned ability and the many who helped me come to practice it.

I say that trials and tests locate a person.
In other words they determine where you are spiritually.
They reveal the true condition of your heart.
How you react under pressure is how the real you reacts.
John Bevere

The Need and Desire for Love

/ James Browning

My past is filled with falling in love over and over; at least I thought it was love. A few times it actually was! There is a condition called “Love Addiction” that’s a behavior in which people become addicted to the feeling of being in love. It’s common although most Love Addicts do not realize they are addicted to love.

My particular brand of Love Addiction is that of a “Love Avoidant” which used to cause me to have issues staying in one relationship. At the start of a new romantic connection you’d never know it because Love Avoidants like I used to be come on strong at the start. My desire for love was extraordinarily strong, but after some time into a relationship a part of me is overtaken and becomes afraid of being left or being alone.

My compulsion was to be a philanderer who rarely stayed committed to just one person for very long. I left before the one I loved could leave or else “hooked up” just in case.  In childhood I learned how deeply the ones I love could hurt me and my avoidant tendency rooted there caused me to have difficulty depending on one person.

With professional help and a lot of diligence, my pattern of Love Addiction/Avoidant has been largely overcome. By understanding what is going on and replacing walls with boundaries, I have learned how to experience the joys of being truly intimate. At least I believe I have, although so far I have not fully proven it long-term.

Love addiction is not just my issue and is wide-spread and growing. In an article* on http://www.mailonline.com Martha De Lacey last week wrote:

You may believe in love at first sight. Or you might be someone for whom love takes time and patience. But the average time for telling your partner you love them is after 14 dates, according to a new survey.

Participants in the new study revealed the average number of dates per week with a new partner was two, meaning that couples tend to first say ‘I love you’ seven weeks into a new relationship. First kisses tend to take place two dates or one week into the dating process, and the first time a couple has sex is, on average, after four dates or two weeks. (Yes, you read correctly… four dates! A highly probable sign of Love Addiction since real intimacy takes far longer.)

The research also showed that most partners are introduced to friends for the first time after six dates or three weeks, and that people are most likely to introduce their new boy or girlfriend to their parents after 12 dates or six weeks. And if things go well, dating couples move in with each other, on average, after 30 weeks or 60 dates.

The study was carried out by dating website seekingarrangement.com who polled their 100,000 British members to find the average time for a whole series of ‘firsts’ in a new relationship.

The need and desire for love is stronger than ever in a world where we’re exposed to its opposite continually through every day. The news is filled with it. We walk in fear on the streets and treat strangers with great distrust initially. We have multiple locks on our doors and many have security systems. We carry pepper spray and some even conceal weapons to protect them self. It’s a crazy world.

No wonder I want love so badly. Taken together a rough childhood and an overwhelming need to be loved combined to create a strong compulsion. Thankfully, my Love Addiction/Avoidance is something I understand and control today. It’s an old friend/enemy that I know well through growth and counseling. While I still feel the feelings, they are not as strong anymore. I know better and have become appropriately cautious about falling and being in love. I’m only interested in the real thing; love that comes slowly over time to prove itself to be lasting and real. I am so very grateful for the knowledge and learned ability that can make that possible.

You better have insurance on your heart
if you plan on being in LOVE.
Unknown

* Full article here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2188819/Dating-milestones-revealed-new-survey.html#ixzz24BxiAB2Y

A Little Stupid, But Fun

/ James Browning

Home from a week-long trip, I was unpacking last night while my mind was out of gear and wandering as I worked.  Putting things in my closet the thought popped up about how useful wire coat hangers can be and I began to mentally catalog a few. Other than their intended use there must be a hundred other functions a hanger can serve. My initial list totaled nine items, which I augmented with more found on-line.

Make a sturdy s-hook
Replace a cotter pin
Bend it into a loop, string pantyhose over it and make a paint strainer
Fish items from tight spaces
Unclog the vacuum hose, drain or toilet
Make a frame to build papier-mâché onto
Roasting hot dogs/marshmallows (sand the finish or paint off first)
Tape a match to the end of a piece to light the pilot light in a furnace
String up a car muffler
Tree limb hangers for bird feeders
Make a giant bubble wand
Make-shift toilet paper roll holder
Stand for soldering iron
Hang a plant
Make a paint can holder for when up on a ladder
When keys get locked in an older car, open the door with a coat hanger
Repair chain link fence
Keep door to the guinea pig or bird-cage shut
Seed row markers in the garden
A suitably bent length in an electric drill makes a good paint stirrer
A replacement car aerial (not my style though!)
A hook to hold a dart board onto the garage door
Hanging up tools and extension cords
To dry clothes on

It’s a little stupid, but fun, to express gratitude for something so ordinary and utilitarian as coat hangers. If I am truly open and thankful for all that contributes positively to a good life, such humble things deserve my gratefulness.

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex…
It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage
to move in the opposite direction.
E.F. Schumacher

Amid Pleasures and Palaces

/ James Browning

The past six days have had me traveling; first on business and the latter half of the week visiting a dear friend. Time has passed very quickly while hanging out with my buddy. He introduced me to several new people including one I feel a particular kinship with and hope in time we might become friends. Time will tell. 

Knowing I will be home in twelve hours is a good feeling. When I have been a way for a week or so, walking into my home is refreshing experience. It’s then I more keenly notice the house I live and what is in it. The feeling of that moment is gratitude for the common things that often get overlooked on a day to day basis.

There are shaggy asters blooming in the bed that lines the fence,
And the simplest of the blossoms seems of mighty consequence.
Oh, there isn’t any mansion underneath God’s starry dome
That can rest a weary pilgrim like the little place called home.
So where’er a man may wander, and whatever be his care,
You’ll find his soul still stretching to the home he left somewhere.
From “The Path To Home” by Edgar Guest

Whether it’s my bed, the coffee pot that I am accustomed to or unwrinkled clothes, I will be glad to get home.

Amid pleasures and palaces
though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble,
there’s no place like home.
John Howard Payne

A Real, True Friend

/ James Browning

Being middle-aged can be a wonderful thing. By the time this fall season of life rolls around one has had enough life experience to potentially assemble some level of wisdom. It’s not automatic. Just staying alive to 40 or 50 something does not guarantee becoming more wise. If one pays attention though, some of the greatest gifts of life make themselves abundantly present and known.

It has been written that joy is the mirror reflection of grief, and conversely grief is the reversed likeness of joy. The more one knows of one, the more fully the other can be felt and comprehended. Nothing broadens and enlivens the joy of life more than a true and dear friend. Nothing makes a burden easier to carry than their loving are.

“A Priceless Gift” by Helen Steiner Rice

Friendship is a priceless gift
That can’t be bought or sold,
But its value is far greater
Than a mountain made of gold.

For gold is cold and lifeless,
It cannot see nor hear,
And in your times of trouble,
It is powerless to cheer.

It has no ears to listen,
No heart to understand.
It cannot bring you comfort
Or reach out a helping hand.

So when you ask God for a gift,
Be thankful that he sends,
Not diamonds, pearls, or riches,
But the love of a real, true friend.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. Henri J. M. Nouwen

Often while traveling on business, I take an extra day or two to visit with a friend when I am in their part of the country. For the last two days I have been blessed to hang out with my friend Sam in Cincinnati. It’s fascinating how a co-worker of years ago has become such a beloved friend over time. On a spiritual and emotional level no one “gets me” as well as he does. Beyond my ability to express fully my feelings, I am grateful for Sam’s presence in my life. “I love you Dude!”

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day
so I never have to live without you.
‘Winnie-the-Pooh” (A.A. Milne)

Down to the Core of My Being

/ James Browning

Once in a great while I meet someone, see a movie, witness a performance or read a book or poem that moves me down to the core of my being. In such rare moments I am cognizant of being washed over with intense awareness and feeling, while not fully perceiving what it is I am sensing. And that’s OK. In such moments my joy is in just experiencing the gift without questioning or wondering. It is enough just knowing what I am experiencing is real. 

Being grateful for what is happening further amplifies the moment and what follows it. These are the times when I am living open to the moment and completely aware within it. Today that feeling is best described in the six words of wisdom from a wise man from the past whose wisdom I revere.

What you seek is seeking you.
Rumi

What I Think Is What I Become

/ James Browning

Over time it has been my discovery that the more I do something the more innate it becomes. Writing each day has made stringing words together easier and faster. Working out daily has brought me to better physical condition. Focusing and openly expressing what I am grateful for has made me able to broaden my perception of what I should be thankful for.    

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
Author Unknown

What I think is what I become. Gratefulness being on my mind more has decreased the space I have for regrets about my past or worry about what the future may hold. Gratitude brings me to the present moment whether my thanks is for what is happening, has happened or might happen. Growing thankfulness has moved my view up the mountain, so to speak.  The more gratitude I cultivate the higher and broader my view of life becomes.

In ordinary life we hardly realize
that we receive a great deal more than we give,
and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.
Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Stettling A Person’s Nerves

/ James Browning

Up early to go over a presentation for work and while sitting here wishing sleep could have lasted longer I was stuck by a moment of gratitude for my job.  So easily how one makes a living can be taken for granted, especially when it’s enjoyable (well most days, for the most part).  I work for a good, family owned company and with a local staff I enjoy.  We’re an eccentric and electic group of talented people who accomplish what many could not. Lots of folks are not so lucky.  Either they don’t like what they do, the company the work for, the people they work with or worse yet, don’t have a job. 

I am blessed and expressing thankfulness is important, especially just a few hours before I stand before the board of directors to present the results  for the year so far.  Being grateful goes a long way in settling a person’s nerves!

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. 
William J. Bennett