A Song to My Soul

One of my habits near an addiction level is used books. I have my nose in a book just about every day. My interests have changed over time and rarely do I read anything but non-fiction. Reading to learn and explore has become my driving force and somewhere along the way I picked up a love of poetry. Old or new, if it rhymes with good meter a poem often feels like a song being sung to my soul when I read it.

Used books stores are favorite places and when visiting a city it’s a special treat to visit one of the local stores stocking previously owned books. My favorite in the town where I live is a huge, cluttered and rambling place called “Gardner’s”. The store is not just enjoyable, it is a sort of refuge for me. If I am feeling down, going there is always a pick me up whether I buy something or not. That’s the reason for a late afternoon visit yesterday.

It’s particularly meaningful when I read an inscription a person wrote in a book given as a gift. Other times I find interesting clipped articles that may or may not have anything to do with the subject of the book. Bookmarks left in an old book sometimes present food for thought. Then once in a while I’ll come across family photos and feel a little sad that the images have been separated from the loved ones where they belong. Always before there has been no information on any such photos so I could attempt to return them; at least until yesterday.

On my desk before me are the four photos at the top of this blog. My favorite is the one of the two elementary school children. The others help me to know what they grew up to be. The boy became a military man and the girl became a care giver.

The only date indicated is the bottom middle photo: May 2001. That means the top center photo of brother and sister is from somewhere around the late 70’s, maybe early 80’s. The top center photo has info on back I hope will allow me to return to where they belong: “Nici & Travis Unser, Colo. Spgs, Return to Lynn Unser”.

For all the slams the internet may receive, there are many benefits such as looking up strangers from just a little information (assuming it is done with good intentions such as mine). Here’s what I found that I believe relates to the Unser’s:

Nici and Travis’s father is Al Unser, who retired not long ago as CEO of the Greater Tulsa Association of Realtors. Travis graduated from Bishop Kelly High School in 1996, and in 2000 graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Civil Engineering from The Citadel in Charleston, S.C.. In late 2008 he came home from serving his third tour in Iraq as a Naval Aviator with the U.S. Marine Corps. Nici (Nicole) lives in Dallas and is a Neonatal ICU nurse for Baylor University Medical Center. “Nici” was recognized as Nurse of the Year in her unit, and has been nominated for the Dallas’ Great 100 Nurses award. She is a 1993 graduate of Bishop Kelly High School and a 1997 graduate of Baylor University. Here’s the photo that accompanied this info.

With further digging I discovered that Mother, Mary Lynnn Unser, passed away in June of 2007 in Tulsa. Since the little kids photo was back inscribed “Return to Lynn Unser” I feel especially compelled to get these photos back to her family. I am certain the inscription is in her hand.

In the grand scheme it’s not a big deal if I am successful in returning the photographs. Only a small act of kindness will have been accomplished. As emotion wells within, I hope I succeed but realize that the doing of the self assigned task will benefit me most. It is in making a different; in doing little things to make the world slightly better for having been here that are meaningful to me. I am grateful to have grown into my skin over the years to be a gently caring man to whom something like this would matter.

There is overwhelming evidence
that the higher the level of self-esteem,
the more likely one will be to treat others
with respect, kindness, and generosity.
Nathaniel Branden

The Privilege of Living

True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not. Seneca

This photo mesmerized me. I still can’t stop looking at it. In the moments when something stops me completely in my tracks like this is when I feel the most alive!

Image is titled “Reflections On An Evening of Gratitude”.
Other beautiful photos like this one by Photomike07 http://mdsimages.com

Today I am grateful for the life balance felt inside and the beauty without to savor and appreciate. I have come to realize how rich my life is. It’s an amazing feeling.

Thank God I have seen
an orange sky with purple clouds.
How easy it is to forget that
we have the privilege of living in God’s art gallery.
Erica Goros

It Will Change Your Life

On her television show, Oprah Winfrey said: “I will make you one guarantee — if you will be grateful every day, it will change your life… It is almost impossible for it not to improve.

SIX WAYS TO BE GRATEFUL

1. Eagerly look for people and situations for which to be thankful. Pray and listen for the wisdom to recognize how and where you have been blessed.

2. Increase the number of times and the amount of time spent showing and telling others how much you appreciate them. Openly acknowledge those in your life much more frequently than you have in the past. Express gratitude for your spouse, children, siblings, co-workers, relatives, and friends. Actually say your unsaid positive, uplifting thoughts of gratitude rather than keeping them a secret. Email messages of appreciation, recognition, and gratitude to family and co-workers rather than complaints.

3. Privately express, to yourself out loud, ten to fifteen aspects of your life that you are thankful for each day. It is so much more effective when you do this out loud and actually hear yourself with your own voice say these acknowledgments. You can express your gratefulness while driving, walking or even taking a shower.

4. Write five or more statements of gratitude each day in a journal. Review your gratitude journal each week to give you a better perspective of the joy in your life.

5. Develop a Spirit of Gratitude with the purpose of having a change of heart. Receive all things with thankfulness. A Spirit of Gratitude motivates you to think, feel, and behave in ways that are to your highest benefit. Powerfully change your life by cultivating this inner Spirit of Gratitude.

6. Eliminate the ingratitude that has crept into every part of your life. Blaming, criticizing and judging others is so much easier than being thankful. Anger, frustration and fear often blind us to the reality of true blessings. Uncover the traces of ingratitude and its consequences. Interestingly, expressing a series of grateful statements out loud to yourself for several minutes usually empowers you to eliminate negativity and negative energy. A negative state of mind seems more easily maintained than the effort to feel uplifted and grateful. Robert F. Forston, Ph.D. http://www.forstoninstitute.com/gratitude.html

Gratitude works! I am a living example of how learning to truly be thankful is life changing.

Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life
is the foundation for all abundance.
Eckhart Tolle

Courage To Start All Over Again

Mentally, time is something I’ve been conscious of all my life. My family of origin was filled with watch carrying or wristwatch wearing people who paid lots of attention to time. From my tenth year through the sixteenth, my mother and stepfather had a small grocery store open seven days a week. Our days back then revolved around what time the store opened and when it closed.

In rural Alabama where my roots are, even farm daylight is measured between waiting for sunrise and hurrying to beat sunset. My profession of decades has kept me focused on time by the minute, either filling it with music or an advertisement on radio stations. Today I wear a watch if I am out and tell time at home by a clock in every room. I even collect old clocks.

I have always been conscious of time’s coming and going, but in its measurement I have been focused on the passing of time rather than any particular moment I was within.

About the psychology of time awareness, J.W. Brown of the Department of Neurology at New York University Medical Center wrote: Each mind computes the measure of time passing and duration from the decay of the… present in relation to a core of past events …a Self in a state of becoming, a Self that travels in time like the crest of a wave, always in pursuit of a future just beyond the grasp of the present.

That’s heady stuff and describes where I used to be.

No longer will I live every minute beyond my present. My awareness shifted yesterday when I became aware of time; not just conscious of its horizontal passing but aware of the largeness of particular moments. With one full taste of the “now” I am changed. When I witnessed firsthand the height and depth of the present, time slowed for a little while. Heightened awareness of “now” made time bigger and last longer. I did not suddenly have more time, but what time I have has become larger.

Now I understand what it means to “be the master of one’s own time”. Even a few minutes each day of such clarity about ‘time’ gives new direction to my life. I am grateful for such insight. It is life changing.

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or,
in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
From “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” by Eric Roth

No Need To Worry

Clarity of thought can sometimes be clouded with an over abundance of words where the essence becomes hidden. In presenting the quote just below, I have avoided pontificating and instead presented it without explanation. The words stand clearly on their own.

If a problem is fixable,
if a situation is such
that you can do something about it,
then there is no need to worry.

If it’s not fixable,
then there is no help in worrying.
There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
Dali Lama XIV

I am grateful for wisdom in those thirty words and the impact they made on me this morning. As often happens when my awareness is tuned to receive, the message I needed arrived at precisely the best time.

If you break your neck,
if you have nothing to eat,
if your house is on fire,
then you got a problem.
Everything else is inconvenience.
Robert Fulghum

Threshold of a Dream

There is a certainty I have “some miles” on me, but also a sense of being far from being old. What puts that vantage point into perspective is knowing a decade from now I will be less than a year from turning seventy. That too does not feel really “old”. However, I know the body slows from my experience so far. In spite of exercise and being active, physical endurance and ability deteriorates over time; more rapidly as age accumulates. None of that was written as sad lamenting, but rather a statement of truth and a warning to myself to not put off my dreams too long.

The adventures I have long dreamed of have their roots in the books I read as a kid and movies I saw then. Reading James Bond novels in middle school gave me a sense of adventure in varying locales, but its 007’s European escapades that stuck with me. Although I’ve traveled Europe a dozen times I have a list of twenty-six countries left to explore. Seeing Tarzan movies with adventurers exploring the jungle looking for some great treasure put into me a love of things exotic and places far away. The need to see what is yet unspoiled in the world gnaws at me. Mark Twain’s Tom Sawyer had adventures that to this day seem like those I should have along a pristine river or backwoods; the small amount of the ‘middle of no where’ still left unadulterated.

Many Americans travel hoping for all the comforts of home in a foreign country, but my view is, if that is what you want why go? I suggest those people stay home and watch travel shows on television. A good part of my love of visiting new places is the sense of unknown, and even discomfort that makes me so completely alive and etches those moments so memorably within. It’s been said that a person becomes smoothed by life from the friction living has upon him or her much like a rock is smoothed by the chafing of fast-moving water in a river. Maybe it is my bad childhood, maybe it is childish sense of exotic voyages, maybe it is at least some part illusion or disillusion; maybe it is wanderlust, but facing the unknown makes me feel completely alive and content. That’s an absolute fact and I know it for certain. If I’m a bit crazy, then I love being nuts!

Sitting here trying to explain myself I come up short of words that accurately express what I feel inside right now. All I know is when contemplating extended travel for weeks on end if not months, my soul lights up in a way that says “yes, yes, yes”, my heart beats a little faster, my mind is electrified with a charged flow of thoughts and I swear my whole body feels aglow with excitement. What can that be other than genuine desire to put my feet on the path of destiny I have been set for since childhood?

There is this logical, rational and even somewhat fearful speaker within saying, “that makes no sense”, “why would you want to do that?”, “you could get robbed/sick/hurt/lost/etc”, “you should be working and saving for retirement” and so on ad nauseam. That voice in my head has led me astray so many times and brought justification for doing what at the depths of my being I truly did not want to do. This must not be forgotten!  Such “thinking” has led me wrong so frequently, but my deep feelings rarely have. What I feel way down at an instinctive spiritual/soul level is centered in my chest reaching down to my stomach. I feel it strongly at this moment as my spirit speaks softly my truth for me to share.

If only I could tell you of the exhilaration I feel from just writing today about being a vagabond traveling the world. There are no words that accurately tell of my beautiful unrest that knows experiencing far beyond what I know is the medicine needed to “live long and prosper”. It won’t be next week or next month, but my great adventure will begin before too much longer. Don’t be surprised if it is next year!!!! I am grateful for the joy I feel at this moment to know my yearning of a lifetime has been spoken aloud to the world and has a chance to come true. I am on the threshold of a dream.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things
that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Who You Really Are

Something really cool happened today… a break through. When I first began facing the ill effects my dysfunctional family of origin had on me, it seemed like I was wandering around in a dark tunnel swinging at always escaping ghosts. Over time as I stayed in recovery some of my demons were slain; others were faced and death with. I began to see light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly, step by step I started toward the end of it. What I realized today is I’ve made it out of the tunnel and am in the light. I’m ready.

Not all, but most of my fears are gone, most of the time. There are bouts of dealing with old issues, but I get through them just fine. Depression knocks me around sometimes, but only rarely does it get grip on me. On a good or bad day, I’ve gotten better at handling my stuff.

The break through today was I am now standing smack-dab in the middle of a good life ready to be lived fully by a healthy person, physically and emotionally: ME! It’s time to reach for my dreams. How excited I feel. How grateful I am!

It takes courage to grow up
and become who you really are.
E.E. Cummings

A Life of Gratefulness

While getting breakfast together this morning it hit me that I eat like a king. A hundred years ago only royalty and the rich could have the food I am blessed to eating this morning. My breakfast is a banana, blueberries, strawberries, a croissant with egg and cheese and 1% milk. It’s not just food, it’s a plate of delicacies. How readily available and relatively inexpensive food is in this country can numb one to how blessed we really are. I am not immune to taking things for granted, but am glad my sense of gratitude kicked in this morning to remind me how fortunate I am.

Taken from “A Poem Of Gratitude” By Chuck Danes
I’m grateful for the many days when clarity is strong
As well as those it “seems” that life has somehow led me wrong
For it’s those times that awaken me and nudge me toward the light
Till once again my hopes and dreams are clearly held in sight.
I’m grateful for the fact I’ve learned that we consciously create
That to mold and shape a life desired I must keep my thinking straight
That when the fear that shows it’s head which is based on false belief
I have free will to change the thoughts to those that bring relief.
I’m grateful too for false beliefs which led me on my quest
For mentors met along the way I truly do feel blessed
Who clearly showed me of the need to understand my worth
And “Higher Truth” which promises a life divine on earth.
I’m grateful for the fear I feel at times because I know
That when it’s felt it’s purging power exists to help me grow
The awareness of it’s presence shows there’s something more to learn
That my focus must stay fixed on Love to attract these things I yearn.
My gratitude goes deeper still, for breath, for sight, for life
For teachers who have shown me that my “thoughts” create my strife
I’m grateful for the plan which says whatever you receive
Is drawn to you through feelings felt, created by belief.
I’m grateful for all wisdom gained as I journey through this life
Like words expressed in anger hurt, and only lead to strife
That truth will stand the test of time, that Love will show the way
That thoughts and feelings of the past are what create today.
I’m grateful too for all my friends who are reading this today
For the bonds that we have formed since your paths have crossed my way
And for the future and all it brings for all we have to share
The giving of ourselves to show the world how much we care.
I’ve learned to stay in gratitude no matter how things seem
That perceptions held as negatives will only slow your dream
So even though my path will lead through troubled spots I know
I must keep on, keep focus fixed, on life’s abundant flow..
One final thought I’ll share today before I say I’m through
I’m so grateful for these words to give today to all of you
It is my wish that they will help you keep the attitude
Which leads to that which you desire and comes through gratitude.

Gratitude humbles me, enriches me, fills me, stretches me and brings a joy that comes from nowhere else. I am thankful that I live a life of gratefulness.

Acknowledging the good that you already have
in your life is the foundation for all abundance.
Eckhart Tolle

Three For Thursday

I have told you of the man who always put on his spectacles when about to eat cherries, in order that the fruit might look larger and more tempting. In like manner I always make the most of my enjoyments, and though I do not cast my eyes away from troubles, I pack them in as small a compass as I can for myself, and never let them annoy others. Robert Southey

Justice is the only worship. Love is the only priest. Ignorance is the only slavery. Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. R. G. Ingersoll

Quiet minds can not be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm. Robert Louis Stevenson

For every difficulty that taught me a valuable lesson; for every heartache that made me grow; for every joy that educated me; and for every person I have learned from; “I’m grateful!”

Wisdom is a blessing only
to those prepared to absorb it.
Anonymous

Best Way To Start Off the Morning

Finding myself a little groggy this morning before the second cup of coffee kicks in, I have chosen to use another stimulant I know works even better: gratitude! All it takes is a minute or two of sitting back and counting blessings to bring myself to a more alert state of mind. Such thoughts bring a fullness of being and warmth for life I can find no other way.

Simple thanks for: The radio playing, the hands that can type and the healthy body they are attached to, the computer I am using and all that makes it work, the coffee in the cup on my desk, a good mind to think of things to be grateful for, the books and CD’s in the shelves in my office, the view out my office window, the home that my office is within, the job that allows me to pay for my home and all the rest, the friends I wrote emails to this morning, the cleaning ladies who came and spiffed up my home yesterday, my filled fridge where I will find breakfast soon, living in a free country where I can speak my mind, those I love who help give meaning to my life, my old Volvo in the driveway that saved my life once upon a time, the cooler temperatures of fall, my memories, the good times I have known, the challenges that have taught me well…

I’m not “old” but I am not “young” either. If life is a scale from one to ten then my time now is somewhere around a “7.5” and old enough to appreciate Edgar A. Guest’s poem “Life’s Finest Gifts”.

When you get “on” and you’ve lived a lot
And the blood in your veins isn’t quite so hot,
Though your eyes are dimmer than what they were
And the page of the book is a misty blur,
Strange as the case may seem to be,
Then is the time you will clearly see.

You’ll see yourself as you really are,
When you’ve lived a lot and you’ve traveled far,
When your strength give out and your muscles tire
You’ll see the folly of mad desire:
You’ll see what now to your sight is hid,
The numberless trivial things you did.

Often the blindest are youthful eyes,
For age must come ere a man grows wise,
And youth makes much of its mountain peaks,
And the strife for fame and the goal it seeks,
But age sits down with the setting sun
And smiles at the boastful deeds it’s done.

You’ll sigh for the friends that were turned aside
By as hasty word or a show of pride,
You’ll laugh at medals that now you prize,
For you’ll look at them through clearer eyes
And see how little they really meant
For which so much of your strength was spent.

You’ll see, as always, an old man sees,
That the saves die down with the fading breeze,
That the pomps of life never last for long,
And the great sink back to the common throng,
And you’ll understand when the struggle ends
That the finest gifts of this life are friends.

The cure for a melancholy day; the pick me up when I’m draggin’; the filled part of the half empty glass; the method that puts life in true perspective: gratitude. I am thankful it is my friend.

Best way to start off the morning
is with a smile and appreciate you’re alive
cause somewhere else someone is fighting for their life.
Unknown