Month: May 2013

The Flower of Life

/ James Browning

Tibetan%20Yin%20Yang%20MandalaFor most of my life if a friend drifted away I felt what we shared was completely lost. Once in a while we’d get hooked up again at some point, but most often not. Then there were the romantic relationships frequently referred to as “not working out” even though for a time they may have worked well. That was then. My perspective is different now.

Love of any kind is never truly lost. It may end, fizzle out or be damaged beyond repair, but what came before never dies. Whether shared with a friend, lover or family member, whatever good existed will always survive. The fact that love once was, will always be a fact.

No matter how much heartache and pain may have followed, love is never wasted. It’s a gift one always get to keep. It’s important for me not to bundle what was positive then turned negative, into a completely terrible memory. I believe the ability to separate good from bad and appreciate both individually for what they were is a sign of maturity.

…”falling in love” is largely unconscious and by its very nature involves a considerable amount of idealization and projection. When we fall in love, we look upon the object of our desire as someone who will complete us or provide what we imagine we have always wanted or needed. For that reason… idealization always leads to disillusionment because another person cannot be a product of your imagination; he or she is always a separate, real person.

Coming to know and accept an other for who they really are is the practice of true love: becoming knowledgeable, witnessing, holding in mind, and repeatedly turning to the beloved with interest and willingness to enter into and resolve conflict, these are the components of true love. Often, love begins with a strong emotional attachment—a magnetic attraction, a “falling in love”—but not always. It can also begin in friendship. Over time, you feel fascinated that you can be close and trusting and different, all at the same time. This is the nature of love: the beloved is both mysterious (fascinating) and familiar (comfortable); we begin to see the world through someone else’s eyes. By Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-love/201111/over-60-and-looking-love-why-not

Inside me there used to be a driving need not to be alone, especially in a romantic sense. In due course no matter how many friends or how deeply ‘in-love’ I felt to be, my discovery was I am always alone. Sharing my life and others with me does not change that fact. Accepting this was a doorway to greater understanding.

Bearing witness  to one another’s existence makes people feel less alone and therein lies a component of the magic of love. Love does not change the world so much as it changes how one views it. I am grateful for the love of friends, family and lovers, past and present, I got to keep which molded me to be the person I am today. Love is NEVER wasted.

Love is the flower of life,
and blossoms unexpectedly and without law,
and must be plucked where it is found,
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.
D.H. Lawrence

When the Student Is Ready

/ James Browning

graceIt was a slow realization to arrive, but emphatically I know my thoughts shape my existence more than any other factor. When it was suggested years ago that positive affirmations work, I could not grasp how saying and momentarily thinking particular thoughts could be life changing. It took a long time to consistently try them and then was surprised to find affirmations actually work. But it was a real struggle at first.

By choosing to think and say positive affirmations as true, the subconscious is forced into one of two reactions – avoidance or reappraisal. The bigger the issue the bigger the gap between the positive affirmation and the perceived inner truth and the more likely that one is going to experience resistance. This is where the subconscious finds it easier to stay with its perceived inner truth and avoid the challenge using any means at its disposal to avoid examining the issue. You will recognize this reaction by a strong negative feeling inside as you state the positive affirmations. Equally if your experience a sense of joy and well-being, your mind is instinctively responding to something it believes to be true. When you get this emotion, you know your affirmations are working!

Happiness…
Happiness exists where I choose to look for it.
I accept the good that is flowing into my life.
I smile and my life lightens.
Gratitude expands happiness.

Love…
The warmth of love surrounds me.
I appreciate those who love me.
I unconditionally give my love..
I am ready to be in love.

Forgiveness…
I release myself from my anger and let the past go.
The past is forgiven. I am thankful.
I live in the “now” each moment of each day.
Today, I forgive myself.

Because affirmations actually reprogram your thought patterns, they change the way you think and feel about things, and because you have replaced dysfunctional beliefs with your own new positive beliefs, positive change comes easily and naturally. This will start to reflect in your external life, you will start to experience seismic changes for the better in many aspects of your life. http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/affirmations.htm#.UZolF3co6Uk

A practice I first tried about six years ago was to regularly watch the sunrise and repeat affirmations from a sheet of them I had accumulated. There was no one else around or noise and distractions. As the days passed I began to notice a difference in my mental attitude; slowly but surely it improved consistently. Now I know not to scoff at the good that simple things can do. Something does not have to be complicated in order to make a big different. I am grateful for the personal discovery that affirmations work. I continue the practice to this day. Insight comes when the student is ready to see it.

Belief consists in accepting
the affirmations of the soul;
unbelief, in denying them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Frequently Uncomfortable

/ James Browning

2706077104_70df96a778_zPurely by personal choice soon I will be retiring from professional life in order to pursue a myriad of other interests. It’s an agenda far too long to ever complete, but I am exceeding excited and grateful to have the time to apply myself to it. My ‘new life’ will require some fairly radical habit changes. Lately, on and off, I have been reading thoughts on-line others have shared about breaking routine. Here’s a list of ten things I can start applying even before my time is my own:

  1. Hold a conversation with a new person everyday. Expand your world beyond people similar to you. You’ll learn about ways of life and outlooks on life that are incredibly different from your own.
  2. Avoid wasting time. You have far too little. Don’t watch television. Yeah, I know, you mostly watch the history and science channels. People tell me that all the time. Turn it off and go do something else. Anything else.
  3. Waste time. Relaxation frees the subconscious to connect the blocks of your knowledge and experiences. When you free your mind your subconscious has more power to bring in random thoughts or connect items that are not necessarily related to each other.
  4. Use your lunch, not just for lunch with friends or to run errands. Go to museums, new restaurants, new parks, try new foods. So many people waste this time working at their desks or going to the same restaurant with the same people and eating the same food.
  5. Read books from the Dummies series on subjects you have no use for. Even better, read children’s books; they’re faster. There are millions of subjects you could expose yourself to with a few minutes each day.
  6. Play with Legos and Tinker Toys and Lincoln Logs. The building challenges, the creation of something quickly and easily is both a puzzle solving exercise and builds visualization skills. In addition, anything that triggers childhood memories is good.
  7. Create a piece of art and enter it into an art exhibit. My guess, call it an educated guess, is that most of my readers can not even take this suggestion seriously. You have “No talent, time, tools, techniques, yada yada yada.” So how about taking some of that tenacity and courage and give art a try?
  8. Try writing a short story. You don’t have to be Hemingway. Trouble coming up with an idea? Write the story about a character doing what you do, at work, home, having fun, whatever. Two thousand words are all you need.
  9. Expose yourself to a wide variety of music. Thanks to the internet you can now listen to anything you can imagine and more. …if you normally listen to American Pop then it’s time to try some jazz and classical.
  10. Change your schedule… You’ll see your world differently, you’ll sense different emotions in the people you meet and hear different sounds.  http://www.pragmaticmarketing.com/resources/ten-ways-to-routinely-break-your-routine-vividly

Achieving a different life lived with fresh experiences and lessons is simple, but difficult. Regardless of the challenges I am marching confidently toward my new way of being with conviction. This change of direction seems so kindred, yet just out of reach.

Change is frequently uncomfortable, but in the friction with old habits lies new ways of seeing, being and understanding.  I am alive with anticipation and gratefulness for the opportunity life is affording me.

The only person who is spiritually smart
is the one who has learned how to learn,
unlearn, and change directions instantly,
and start all over again, if your soul calls for it.
Michelle Casto

Pleasure From Such Little Effort

/ James Browning

old booksflat,550x550,075,fGladly I can point my finger at my high school English teacher for awakening my awareness to Victorian poetry. What began when I was fifteen has grown to become a treasured appreciation. I find solace in words as they dance off my tongue when I read evenly metered rhyming poems aloud (or mentally to myself); so much pleasure from such  little effort.

If love were what the rose is,
And I were like the leaf,
Our lives would grow together
In sad or singing weather,
Blown fields or flowerful closes,
Green pleasure or gray grief;
If love were what the rose is,
And I were like the leaf.

If I were what the words are,
And love were like the tune,
With double sound and single
Delight our lips would mingle,
With kisses glad as birds are
That get sweet rain at noon;
If I were what the words are,
And love were like the tune.

If you were life, my darling,
And I your love were death,
We’d shine and snow together
Ere March made sweet the weather
With daffodil and starling
And hours of fruitful breath;
If you were life, my darling,
And I your love were death.

If you were thrall to sorrow,
And I were page to joy,
We’d play for lives and seasons
With loving looks and treasons
And tears of night and morrow
And laughs of maid and boy;
If you were thrall to sorrow,
And I were page to joy.

If you were April’s lady,
And I were lord in May,
We’d throw with leaves for hours
And draw for days with flowers,
Till day like night were shady
And night were bright like day;
If you were April’s lady,
And I were lord in May.

If you were queen of pleasure,
And I were king of pain,
We’d hunt down love together,
Pluck out his flying-feather,
And teach his feet a measure,
And find his mouth a rein;
If you were queen of pleasure,
And I were king of pain.
A Match by Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837–1909)

My high school English teacher was Miss Upchurch, who I have written about before –  https://goodmorninggratitude.com/2011/05/23/388/ Her personal unrequited love story combined with what she taught created a permanent place in my mind and heart. I am grateful to have known her and for the love of poetry she caused to begin in me.

A good poem is a contribution to reality. The world is never the same
once a good poem has been added to it. A good poem helps to change
the shape of the universe, helps to extend everyone’s knowledge
of himself and the world around him.
Dylan Thomas

The Beauty of Love

/ James Browning

baby_handFlying home at the end of a business trip yesterday, I was seated across the aisle one seat back from a twenty-something mother with a tiny infant in her arms and kindergarten aged boy seated next to her. Watching them touched my heart.

The young man by his mom was well-behaved. He was seated quietly looking at books most of the flight and would often reach over and put his arm on his Mom’s. Seeing him lean over and kiss the baby on the head a couple of times was touching. It was easy to surmise where he learned to express love the way he did.

During the two-hour flight, at least a dozen times the young mother softly kissed her tiny baby. At other moments she would softly touch the baby’s face or caress a hand or a foot. Even the way she held the little one showed she loved her child. While most infants seem to get noisy at some point during a flight, this one barely let out a sound. Mom knew the correct moment to take out a bottle just before the tiny bundle cried from hunger. It was obvious the younger mother knew her baby intimately.

It truly was a special gift to be allowed to observe this young mother and her children. She was calm the entire flight and never for a moment appeared stressed or hassled, nor did either child. At arrival when it came time to get off the plane, the young woman calmed gathered up her purse, a diaper bag and another canvas bag. Then with the infant in a baby sling carrier she helped the little boy into the aisle in front of her and the three of them made their way calmly down the aisle.

What I witnessed was the openly expressed true love of a mother for her children and of them for her. The young mom likely learned what she was expressing to her kids from her parents when she was growing up. Love begets more love. How we express love and even our ability to know and feel it is mostly learned in childhood.

Somewhere in the town I live in there is today a young mother and two children who are no longer complete strangers.  I am glad for the insight into what is in their hearts and am grateful yesterday they came across the path of my life. I am certain all is not perfect for the three all the time but know without doubt the bonds they share will last a life time. I am honored to have been a bystander to the beauty of the love they share.

If I had two wishes, I know what they would be
I’d wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free;
Roots for inner values, like rings within a tree,
And wings of independence to seek my destiny.

Roots to hold forever, to keep me safe and strong
To let me know you love me, when I’ve done something wrong;
To show me by example, and help me learn to choose
To take those actions every day to win instead of lose.

Just be there when I need you, to tell me it’s all right
To face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;
Don’t make my life too easy, it’s better if I try
And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly.

If I had two wishes, and two were all I had
And they could just be granted by my mom and dad;
I wouldn’t wish for money or any store-bought things
The greatest gifts I’d ask for are simply roots and wings.

“A Child’s Bedtime Song” by Denis Waitley

Mostly We Are All The Same

/ James Browning

coexist-bumper-stickerWe’re all pieces of the same ever-changing puzzle;
some connected for mere seconds, some connected for life,
some connected through knowledge, some through belief,
some connected through wisdom, some through Love,
and some connected with no explanation at all.
Yet, as spiritual beings having a human experience,
we’re all here for the sensations this reality
or illusion has to offer. The best anyone can hope for
is the right to be able to Live, Learn, Love then Leave.
After that, reap the benefits of their own chosen existence
in the hereafter by virtue of simply believing
in what they believe. As for here, it took me a while
but this progression helped me with my life:
“I like myself. I Love myself. I am myself.”
Stanley Victor Paskavich

In childhood my family attended Christian churches. Depending on who I went with, I attended Baptist, Methodist and Church of Christ. There were differences, but on the whole all of them seemed to more or less represent the same general beliefs. As a teenager I went with friends to a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Some dissimilarity was evident, but both seemed to have more in common that different.

As an adult I have spent time reading numerous Buddhist texts and a book or two on the Hindu religion. I have read the Koran from front to back and spent time learning about groups like the Sufi’s. Some more esoteric principles such as that of the Rosicrucians caught my interest for a time. Being part Native American brought a natural curiosity to learn about Cherokee views of  life, death and the hereafter.

A part of my study included examining the ancient beliefs of groups like Gnostics and Essenes along with learning about Egyptian gods like Amon-Ra and Osiris and Greek mythological gods Poseidon, Zeus and others.  I’ve read as best I could over half of the available codices translated from the Dead Sea scrolls and those found at Nag Hammadi. Assorted other groups such as Agnostics, Atheists, Pagans and Wiccans found their way onto my path of learning as well.

Huston Smith wrote, “Walnuts have a shell, and they have a kernel. Religions are the same. They have an essence, but then they have a protective coating. This is not the only way to put it. But it’s my way. So the kernels are the same. However, the shells are different.”

While I went looking for it, I did not find a grand revelation. However, a fair amount of what I assimilated has stayed with me. Boiled down together the essence of my general belief about religion, faith and beliefs is ALL people have more far more in common than differences. Just about everyone wants the freedom to believe as he or she chooses, desires peace and happiness and to be allowed to love, protect and provide for their family and loves ones.

I am grateful that about fifteen years of on again/off again focused study and learning led me down a long path that ultimately looped me back to simplicity. For every difference there are at least ten similarities for people from all walks of life, everywhere. Mostly we are all the same.

My religion consists of a humble admiration
of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself
in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
Albert Einstein

One Kinds Action Leads To Another

/ James Browning

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“Will there be anything else” she said to me as I sat the bottle of water on the counter of the airport store. I said “no” as I glanced at her name tag and saw “Asja”. I’m one of those people who has difficulty figuring out what letters and numbers on a vanity license plate are supposed to stand for. So I asked  “how do you pronounce your name?” having no idea the response to my question would be “Asia”. I responded “that’s a unique and pretty name. Does it have any particular meaning?” to which the young woman said “my mother is Asian and I’m the oldest daughter”.

The woman behind the counter at the airport store showed her appreciation I was interested and continued telling me about her two sisters’ names that were also clever and unique. What I will long remember was the joy in her eyes from being noticed as a person. Most often people in such service jobs are essentially unnoticed and treated at best like a utility and worst like they don’t have feelings.

Making full eye contact with people I momentarily interact with has become a cultivated habit. Looking fully into someone’s eyes as I say “thank you” has a positive effect. It enables me to hopefully put a little more good into the world knowing what I give comes back to me. If I have the chance to momentarily interact with a stranger in some meaningful little way I am pleased.

Everyone wants to matter to the world; to be noticed; to be seen as worthy and of value. Everyone matters. No one has a job that makes them less than, no matter how humble it may be.

Age has given me enough wisdom to realize I should not judge people by their clothes, appearance or what he or she does to make a living. I don’t know a stranger’s story and what they have gone through prior to arriving in my presence. I’m human and sometimes still fall into assessing a person too much, too quickly. Each time I catch myself doing that I become a little more committed to not doing it.

Some people I don’t know who I intentionally begin a short conversation with probably wonder what’s up with me. Most respond positively to my attention but some look baffled and don’t respond well. Am I some sort of Holy Roller, on happy drugs or delusional might be the sort of thing a few think. However, it has been my experience most appreciate being “noticed and seen”. I always hope each one remembers me positively. I always do them.

The more I embrace the world and people in it the more I like being alive. Whether it is flowers looking to have more vibrant color because I notice them or the smile on a person’s face who usually gets little attention, it all benefits me. I am grateful to realize that it is me that receives the greatest benefit…always. What is given comes back multiplied.

No kind action ever stops with itself.
One kind action leads to another.
Good example is followed.
A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions,
and the roots spring up and make new trees.
The greatest work that kindness does to others
is that it makes them kind themselves.
Amelia Earhart

Oh, Boy… Oh, Boy

/ James Browning

image006eThe phrase, “You can do anything you put your mind to,” seems to imply all a person has to do is imagine what he or she would like to accomplish, mentally focus on the task for a while and wait for the inevitable success to take shape. To a some degree that is accurate. Focused intention can be a powerful force. However the phrase is deceptive because it fails to reference the difficulty of staying self-directed toward a particular goal. A little here and a little there usually won’t make things happen.

Most of us don’t know what we really want. We think we do, but we really don’t. We only know what we don’t want. We don’t want a boring job. We don’t want to be poor. We don’t want to disappoint the ones we care about.

Knowing specifically what I want is much different from knowing what I don’t want. As long as I only know what I don’t want, my intentions will never be focused.

Much of what I chased over the years has me now wondering “WHY” in capital letters. In a lot of cases what once mattered just doesn’t mean much to me now. For example. business success and prestige associated with it (yes, and the money) was a primary driver for a couple of decades.

Succeeding still matters, but I seek different things that are in sync with this phase of my life. What was important in my past was not a mistake. Each phase was a step forward, eventually to where I am now.

Today I am seventy-six days away from being done with a long-lived professional life as an executive. Excitement for the freedom to march freely into an unknown future is not scary. Maybe it should be, but I don’t feel the least bit fearful past a few butterflies of anticipation. Being convinced I am doing the correct thing for myself helps, in spite of not knowing exactly what will take shape. Until I can be free of what has been for so long I can’t begin to discover what will be.

Therapist and author Dr. Pat Allen wrote, The only way you know you love yourself, or anyone else, is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep.

What once were only distant thoughts, hopes and dreams are not only possible but likely… at least a good many of them if I am dedicated to staying committed to myself. I have the energy and time to stay focused on moving toward and experiencing some of my greatest hopes and dreams. I won’t be one of the sheep walking blindly uphill anymore!

At an emotional and spiritual level I am taking better care of myself than ever before. Good health and contentment are major contributors to what will be. The child within is jumping up and down saying “oh, boy… oh, boy”. For my prospects and possibilities I say with the conviction of a grateful heart, an appreciative mind and a thankful soul, “Truly I am richly blessed”. Bring it on… I am ready!

There are two types of visions.
Those that will happen no matter what,
and those that can be stopped.
Now more than ever, I wish to tell them apart.
Emlyn Chand

A Different Eventual Destination

/ James Browning

PastPresentFutureEvery decision you make—every decision—
is not a decision about what to do.
It’s a decision about Who You Are.
When you see this, when you understand it,
everything changes.
You begin to see life in a new way.
All events, occurrences, and situations
turn into opportunities
to do what you came here to do.
Neale Donald Walsch

Starting a new week, I am glad for the reference point Walsch’s words lend me. I am reminded that everything I do makes a difference. It is the “NOW” that matters. Every single thought, action and even inaction in the present work together to shape the direction of life.

Years ago I learned as a private pilot that a one degree error in navigational judgment makes little difference in a short distance, but over the length of a long journey such a mistake will place me far from my intended destination. And so it is with life. Every course correction, big or small, yields a different eventual destination.

How could I have known….

At fifteen years old, a part-time job taken casually would bring a life-long career.

At nineteen moving alone a thousand miles from home and essentially messing up just about everything would in time be the comparison point I would live a well-managed life by.

At twenty-two getting married to a kind and caring woman would bring the first real structure to my life, a son I love dearly and begin turmoil that is still not completely over today.

At thirty-four having an affair outside marriage would start a chain of events that only in retrospect can I see, including a spark in my heart that lives yet today.

At forty-four taking a promotion/transfer would in time change my life so completely, in the worst and best ways, to where it is hardly recognizable compared to what came before.

The answer is “I could not have known”. Life is lived looking forward while moving toward the unknown. What’s ahead is always obscured in foggy uncertainty while the past seemingly takes on crystal clarity.

The purest wisdom I have is what lies ahead matters little compared to what I do in the present. The specifics of the past are only out of focus echoes of what really happened. As long as I learn the lessons, keep the good and cast off the bad, the specifics of what has been doesn’t matter.

The future will take its shape more from what I do NOW than from anything done before. Ultimately, the only sure thing any of us will ever know for certain exists right now, at this moment. All before and after is just a thought in the mind. I am grateful for that knowledge and will continue to improve my practice of it.

…the past gives you an identity
and the future holds the promise of salvation,
of fulfillment in whatever form.
Both are illusions.
Eckhart Tolle

When God Created Mothers

/ James Browning

mother-and-childWhen the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”

And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 movable parts… all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands.”

The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands… no way.”

“It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”

“That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ’What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, ’I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”

“Lord,” said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, “Go to bed. Tomorrow…”

“I can’t,” said the Lord, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick… can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger… and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower.”

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.

“But she’s tough!” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure.”

“Can it think?”

“Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You, You were trying to push too much into this model.”

“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”

“What’s it for?”

“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”

“You are a genius,” said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. “I didn’t put it there,” He said.
“When God Created Mothers” by Erma Bombeck

Although my Mother and I are far from close and will never be, I have no hesitance wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day through the distance that separates us. Without her I would not have been born, nor would I have survived being a small child. Today it is important to be grateful for what she did do. What she didn’t do or mistakes she made belong to the other days of the year. Thanks for bringing me into the world, Mom.

But there’s a story behind everything.
How a picture got on a wall.
How a scar got on your face.
Sometimes the stories are simple,
sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking.
But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story,
because hers is where yours begin.
Mitch Albom