Month: January 2013

Little Bit of Harmless Insanity

/ James Browning

DSCN0880Being blessed with a successful career allowed me to live a life filled with comfort and acquiring material things, the quantity of which go far beyond what I now consider ‘normal’. With the ability to “have” I overdid it to where the magnitude of my possessions have become something of a curse. It never occurred to me at the time of buying that one day I would have to do something with it all. So easy it came to convert money into things, but the conversion of things back into money is difficult and time-consuming.

When I was fifteen I met a boy a couple of years older who had more record albums than I had ever seen any place except a record store. I decided “he who has the most records wins” and from that thought I began a collection that is now well over 4000 LPs. Then there are the 45’s, cassettes and CD’s that come along with a healthy addiction to music. Without doubt it is wonderful to be able to listen to just about anything I want when I want to. What is not so great is that a hundred records weights about eighty pounds and my collection LPs weighs about two tons! Over time I have moved them from the Atlantic to the Pacific and lots of other places in between. There’s a little bit of harmless insanity within that somewhere.

My music collection is just the beginning. There’s all the DVD’s and Blueray’s (thankfully most of the VHS tapes are gone!). Don’t even get me started about a book collection that runs about 150 linear feet! And then all the antiques and collectables I have amassed. My home is about 3500 sq feet and while cluttered it is orderly and organized. But then there is the ten by 25 foot storage until full of stuff also. It blows my mind now that I managed to acquire all this “stuff”.

Moving into a different phase of my life now with wishes for more freedom, I have a sizeable task in front of me. Once I stop working at a regular job every day (soon) so I chase more of my dreams, one of my first tasks has to be scaling back on the sheer quantity of my material possessions. I am more than a little embarrassed that I mindlessly spent so many years building this mountain of stuff that is now a burden. Looking ahead I hope to adopt more of the attitude of William Henry Channing:

To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not, rich;
to listen to stars and birds,
babes and sages, with open heart;
to study hard;
to think quietly,
act frankly,
talk gently,
await occasions,
hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common
…this is my symphony.

To not be too hard on myself, it is important to acknowledge that one can not see the next horizon past the one currently in view. When younger there was much satisfaction in enjoying my hobbies, shopping for antiques and showing off my treasures. Then it would have been impossible to know the wisdom that comes from living past my “acquiring years”. I am grateful for the clarity to see I spent a large part of my life climbing the ‘stuff mountain’. Now I am now on the other side where it is liberation from material things I wish to gain. For me, this is a VERY important nugget of wisdom!

Anything you cannot relinquish
when it has outlived its usefulness
possesses you,
and in this materialistic age
a great many of us
are possessed by our possessions.
Peace Pilgrim

My Treasury of Time

/ James Browning

hourglass EDITEverything is always changing no matter how much we wish for it not to. It is the way of the world. Nothing is permanent. At birth each life starts evaporating, accelerating more rapidly all the time. Even with a loving life made with another a day will come when they will likely depart this Earth one at a time. And likewise go friends, family and everyone we know. Everything is just for its time, and no more. My accumulation of years is not such that all in Saxe’s poem below belongs to me. However, a good bit of it does. Even more I can feel and see it on the horizon.

My days pass pleasantly away;
My nights are blest with sweetest sleep;
I feel no symptoms of decay;
I have no cause to mourn nor weep;
My foes are impotent and shy;
My friends are neither false nor cold,
And yet, of late, I often sigh–
I am growing old!

My growing talk of olden times,
My growing thirst for early news,
My growing apathy to rhymes,
My growing love of easy shoes,
My growing hate of crowds and noise,
My growing fear of taking cold,
All whisper, in the plainest voice,
I’m growing old!

I’m growing fonder of my staff;
I’m growing dimmer in the eyes;
I’m growing fainter in my laugh;
I’m growing deeper in my sighs;
I’m growing careless of my dress;
I’m growing frugal of my gold;
I’m growing wise; I’m growing–yes–
I’m growing old!

I see it in my changing taste;
I see it in my changing hair;
I see it in my growing waist;
I see it in my growing heir;
A thousand signs proclaim the truth,
As plain as truth was ever told,
That, even in my vaunted youth,
I’m growing old!

Ah me!–my very laurels breathe
The tale in my reluctant ears,
And every boon the Hours bequeath
But makes me debtor to the Years!
Even flattery’s honeyed words declare
The secret she would fain withhold,
And tells me in “How young you are!”
I’m growing old!

Thanks for the years!–whose rapid flight
My somber Muse too sadly sings;
Thanks for the gleams of golden light
That tint the darkness of their wings;
The light that beams from out the sky,
Those heavenly mansions to unfold
Where all are blest, and none may sigh,
“I’m growing old!”
By John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887)

Gratitude thrives in me for every hour lived and resounds even more strongly for each one remaining. Today I strive to make better choices more true to the hopes and dreams I hold. With my treasury of time dropping like sand through an hour-glass I have little to spend on anything except being true to what contributes to happiness.

Real generosity towards the future
lies in giving all to the present.
Albert Camus

Six Well Made Comments

/ James Browning

With the exception of about 100 words, today’s focus topic is love; written with pictures. Let the images paint in your heart, mind and soul meanings that are uniquely yours.

d9fe2323a72b5b1da7bda59a13be9700-d4xry5y  it__s_because_you_love_me__by_jonathoncomfortreed-d3jszaq  my_lonley_valentines_by_Calisto_Melancton 4___pencil_vs_camera_for_aoc_by_benheine-d3eaigr

Empty_Inside___Necklace_by_UntilItEnds

Key_to_my_Heart_by_SerendipitousMistake

Ultimately love is all that matters. No one has too much. We are all to some extent starved for love. The college of life has taught me this the hard way. I am grateful.

For one human being to love another,
that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;
the ultimate, the last test and proof;
the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke

* All images from deviantart.com and are the property of their individual copyright holders.

Out of Monochrome and Into Full Color

/ James Browning

chasing dreamsThe quip goes “time is money” but I have grown to see that “money is time”. Seems like I’m only playing with words by flipping them around. But there’s a deeper meaning with a closer look.

Definitions:
Time = one’s lifetime; a temporal existence, an irreversible succession
Money = a measure of value; a medium of exchange; value that degrades over time

Building sentences with alternate interpretations for “time is money” and “money is time” based on those definitions:

One’s lifetime is a measure of value.
A measure of value is one’s lifetime.

A temporal existence is a medium of exchange.
A medium of exchange is a temporal existence.

An irreversible succession is value that degrades over time.
A value that degrades over time is an irreversible succession.

Round and round we go until boiling it down for myself the meaning in a material world that comes is: 1) Life is of great value 2) Life can be exchanged for what one chooses 3) Life evaporates quickly and what it is traded for materially loses value.

Philosophers say idealism is the opposite of materialism. So often we trade what we believe in for what we believe we have to have or what we think we have to do for others. Then it is usually our dissatisfaction of what we give our life for that so much of our discontent stems from. Simply we get what we went after, but once we get it satisfaction is temporary, at best. Maybe that’s why in the consumer driven economy of the United States mental illness is the fastest growing sickness.

Spending our time/money in trade for cars, houses, clothes, electronics, jewelry, entertainment, filled bank accounts and what others want brings little more but momentary contentment. Anyone who believes differently is delusional and addicted (the majority).

On the other hand spending our time/money for happiness, joy, fulfillment, bliss, gladness, wonder, delight and being true to one’s self are investments that always grow with time. Anyone who agrees has a clarity of what matters and is inspired (the minority).

Nothing has been written here that we all have not heard a thousand, maybe even a million times: it’s time that matters, not money; being true to our self is the best way to be true to others. Maybe that’s the reason most give it little more than lip service.  We’ve all heard the thinking so many times, we are mentally and spiritually constipated with all the “have to have’s” and “should do’s”. What good is unpracticed wisdom? NONE!

Without a doubt,
the greatest riches other than love
is time spent being true to one’s self.
It’s not money.
It’s not success.
It’s not fame.
It’s absolutely nothing material.

I readily accept the practical issue that everyone has bills to pay and responsibilities, but beyond what is really necessary most waste our too much of our “time” chasing things that are all so temporary. Time passes quickly. The value of money degrades quickly. Things done for others are soon forgotten by most people.

Written today this piece is really a “memo to self”. Soon to scale down my standard of living, this has been placed here as an easy to refer to signpost that I can come read again and again when I need to. I am grateful for the courage to take steps out of monochrome and into full color; away from money and toward my dreams; away from money and toward love.

What really matters
is what you do
with what you have.
H.G. Wells

The Desire Within

/ James Browning

greenhouse-long-rowI began three times to write down my thoughts here this morning and abandoned each attempt because I could not focus so the words would flow. Some days there is so much swirling in my thoughts and feelings that isolating on one to write about becomes impossible. Those are those days when to even try is futile; like day. Instead I borrow words from other writers that in some small way express a few of the random thoughts I cannot find words for.

You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover,
like brown hair and a sweet voice.
A sharp mind and a soft heart,
a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it.
This and that. And it’s all BS.
Because people aren’t lists.
And I’ve always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that.
I want to come across someone with a list in their head
that is nothing like the person I am,
and I want to show them
what they didn’t even know they were looking for.
People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves.
Nobody really knows what they want.
Not until it’s right in front of them.
Marianna Paige

I’ll go out there and make my mistakes.
I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up.
I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns.
I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space.
I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar.
Why?
Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments,
I want to have something worthwhile to watch,
with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad.
I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to.
Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret,
it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid.
Laugh out loud.
Cry in the rain.
Love with all your heart and soul.
Get hurt.
Tell the truth.
Go crazy.
But never forget that you only get one shot.
One shot at this day, one shot at this minute.
One shot at this age.
One shot at life.
So make sure your life is one
you will enjoy watching in your final moments.
Anna Floyd

If there were no great writers whose work I could read, I would never have become one who loves reading so much. And if I had not grown to love the written word, I would never have attempted to put my thoughts down for someone else to read. Be my attempts ever so humble, I am deeply grateful for the desire within that drives me to share myself in written form.

Sometimes the bad things
that happen in our lives
put us directly on the path
to the best things
that will ever happen to us.
Unknown

Joy Is Your Sorrow Unmasked

/ James Browning

couple-dance-dancing-in the rain-136255

“Be brave enough to be happy” read a stranger’s post on Pinterest. The quote plays perfectly in tune with my thoughts this morning.

Years ago skiing in Vail, I saw a sweatshirt inscribed with “No guts, no glory. No pain, no gain.” For the longest I kept those words mentally filed only under physical ability and achievement.

Time has tempered my thinking to know that courage and an openness to endure discomfort is most important with my feelings. The majority of my emotional weakness of old times is gone. Hurt goes no less deep when it comes, but I fully realize now that a willingness to openly accept the painful is what allows the full range of its mirror reflection, joy.

In the “Prophet” Kahlil Gibran wrote:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises
was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup
that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit,
the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart
and you shall find it is only that
which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,”
and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits,
alone with you at your board,
remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales
between your sorrow and your joy.

Occasions arise when I am overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of my feelings. What a gift to be that passionately alive! Emotions long-buried awakened bring great pain paid back with interest, but also a full magnitude of joy that rides by its side.

I used to be so afraid,
Sometimes crippled;
Worry and anxiety held me back.
The fear remains, but
My courage is strong.
Good or bad,
joy or pain,
With open arms
I embrace the fullness of it all,
Knowing
The best life ever lived,
Was filled with great happiness
And lots of heartache and grief;
No life has ever been better.
To know the full joy
I openly accept pain that comes.
Whatever arrives in my path,
I welcome
With gratitude and anticipation.

There is enormous benefit to being well along into middle age before emotionally getting it together and finding balance. Feeling this much, this deeply can break some people, but it can also enliven a person’s being beyond what one might dare to imagine. There is a concentration of emotion within me focused like light through a magnifying glass that allows me to gratefully know the richness from side to side and top to bottom. With sadness on one mountain and joy on the other I live in the valley of hopes and dreams between.

What would you like to do?
Everything!
From the 1987 movie “Made In Heaven”

Hope For It All

/ James Browning

StonePathLight-629x340(11:10pm) It’s been a good while since good morning gratitude became good evening gratitude, but that is my circumstance tonight. To not break my steady string of 621 daily posts, I have about an hour and a half till midnight.

Without even having to think, it’s the combination of being alive and life having great possibility that I am grateful for near the end of this day. As long as I live any and all of my dreams may yet come true. All of them won’t, but many of them will.

I’m grateful:
For the impossible that becomes possible,
For the unlikely that presents itself again,
For what’s lost that gets found,
For dreams that don’t die,
For imaginings that come true,
For hope in what could be,
For faith beyond what I can prove,
For the good remembered,
For the bad forgotten,
For every forgiveness received,
For all pardon given,
For belief in my worth,
For knowing I deserve happiness,
For the trust I have in myself,
For principles I believe in,
For ideas that come true,
For the insights that teach me,
For rare chances at being happy,
For the inspiration I’m blessed with,
For the revelations that come quickly,
For the wisdom that comes slowly,
For grief that gives value to sorrow,
For all joy received and yet to be,
For a heart that sings its song boldly,
For my soul that sings harmony,
For old love that is lasting,
For new love that comes to stay,
For all the love I have ever received,
For all the love still to come to me,
For all the love I have given,
For all the love I still have to give.
Reach for the sky.
Dream bold dreams.
Risk everything.
Expect nothing.
And hope for it all.

Here you find only the late day ramblings of a tired man whose soul feels rich, whose heart is full, whose mind believes and whose spirit basks in gratitude.

We have to be fearless.
We have to take chances.
We can’t live life just
being afraid of what comes next.
That’s not what living is about.
Unknown

The Only Point of Certainty

/ James Browning

Romantical%20LovePreviously mentioned here is a book I began work on in 2008; a fictional love story titled “A Year From Wednesday”.  There is so much deep feeling of all types included I stopped work due to sheer emotional exhaustion. Although over half done, I could not get past that barrier until now. Inspiration is back with my own life as the backdrop for my renewed desire to move forward. In gathering my thoughts to get my heart and mind in tune to continue, time has been spent reading on line. The following is from an insightful article that came into my view this morning.

Love is a light that allows people to see things that are not seen by others. Romantic love is a deep emotional, sexual and spiritual recognition and regard for the value of another person and relationship. Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated.

It is a profound longing. A desire that is difficult to extinguish. Romantic love is not something that must crumble when faced with practical realities. Romantic love is not something just for youth.

Most people never learn how to sustain a loving relationship. The reason is simple. Nobody showed them. The mere fact that a man and woman feel love toward each other does not guarantee they will be able to create a joyful and rewarding life. Love does not automatically teach a person communication skills. Love does not teach a person how to resolve a conflict. Love does not teach people how to weave their love into the rest of their life.

Romantic love is a powerful way to express our capacity to love and to be loved. It is a way to focus our energy, our curiosity, and our desire for adventure. Romantic love is a source of pleasure and inspiration and is worth pursuing. Romantic love is a blessing of life. Romantic love confirms our lovable and capable nature.

Romantic love is based on shared sight and is shaped by happiness. Immature love is based on shared blindness, and is merely a fortress against pain. Romantic love is a sanctuary, and a source of nourishment and energy. Sometimes romantic love is the only point of certainty, and the only thing that is solid and real in the midst of chaos and ambiguity. Michael Grayson Conner, Psy.D, http://www.oregoncounseling.org/articlespapers/documents/romaticlovemc.htm

For the desire to get back to work on the beautiful love story I began spinning into a book long ago I am very grateful.  Motivation has come when I did not expect it and the richness of the inspiration is powerful beyond any I’ve had. This will be the year I finish “A Year From Wednesday”!

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
Unknown

Love Letter to a Book

/ James Browning

EBBWhen first coming into view, I knew I had to have you. You were taller than most and your slim profile caused you to stand out. Even on the surface you appeared to be different from the others. Your delicate manner only made me desire you all the more. Visible gold initials identifying you gave me a hint of what you might be about. My initial impression was rewarded. You were be far beyond my first thoughts. I could not resist taking take you home with me.

Had I not titled this piece as being about a book it would be easy to surmise I had been recently smitten by a chance meeting of a lovely woman. The “lady” I met is the most beautiful copy of “Sonnets to the Portuguese” I have ever seen found yesterday at my favorite used book store. The photo above is an engraving from the book.

The “Sonnets…” were love poems written by Elizabeth Barrett in 1845-1846 for Robert Browning while they were carrying on their mostly secret courtship. Initially she was hesitant to publish the poems, feeling that they were too personal. However, once married her husband insisted that they were the best sequence of English-language sonnets since Shakespeare’s time and urged her to publish them. To offer the couple some privacy, she decided that she would publish them as supposed translations of foreign sonnets eventually settling on “Portuguese” (after Robert’s nickname for Elizabeth of “my little Portuguese”).

The forty-third “Sonnet to the Portuguese” begins “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…” and is one of the most famous poems in the world and has been very popular since first published in 1850. Last night looking through the book I was struck by a previously over looked “Sonnet” that has been added to my personal favorites; Number 20.

Beloved, my Beloved, when I think
That thou wast in the world a year ago,
What time I sate alone here in the snow
And saw no footprint, heard the silence sink
No moment at thy voice … but, link by link,
Went counting all my chains, as if that so
They never could fall off at any blow
Struck by thy possible hand … why, thus I drink
Of life’s great cup of wonder! Wonderful,
Never to feel thee thrill the day or night
With personal act or speech,—nor ever cull
Some prescience of thee with the blossoms white
Thou sawest growing! Atheists are as dull,
Who cannot guess God’s presence out of sight.

 OR A modernized version interpretation

My darling, my love, when I think
That you were in the world a year ago,
While I sat by myself, out here in the cold,
Seeing no sign of you, just silence;
I never heard your voice. I just went over all my reasons
For being always sad, cementing them
Till it seemed they could never lift, no matter
What you tried…But then I tasted joy,
All the joy that life could give!
I couldn’t see then, that I would ever experience
Thrills like this, brought on by you–your words,
Some sense of you I never saw before now!
I must be as dull as an unbeliever,
Who can’t feel that God is here, though He is out of sight.

I have a Nook, thanks to my son and love it. When I travel the little marvel saves me from having to carry the weight of books. However, there is nothing like the look, smell, texture and quality of a real book. I fear in time reading from a book will mostly be forgotten, but I hope there will be a few diehards who relish the full experience of a book as I do. I am grateful for the joy reading has always brought me and for my love of books, most especially, the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning that moves me down to the core of my being.

Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings,
and making music with them.
   Dennis Gabor

Comfort On Difficult Days

/ James Browning

558629_wrong_turn_okay1The first day of the year yesterday found me filled with hope and anticipation for what will be a grand year of discovery and exploration. Reflecting this morning on my sense of what is to come I began to wonder what is so different now compared to past years. With little thought the answer jumped into my mind quickly: “I am not afraid of failing”.

So what could happen when I fail?

Answer: I could look foolish to others.
Response: I don’t care that much anymore.

Answer: It could cost me a lot of money.
Response: I’ll make more or live more simply.

Answer: I could end up in a worse place than I have ever been.
Response: Not likely. Remember what you went through as a kid. You survived!

Answer: I could lose some of my confidence.
Response: Rebuild it. Failure is only permanent when I stop trying. Try again.

Answer: It may not turn out the way I hoped.
Response: So what! Embrace what comes and embrace unexpected happenings.

Answer: I could alienate friends by going after my dreams.
Response: If they don’t support me in pursuit of my dreams, they are not my friends.

What every man who succeeded at his dreams had in common with others was his failures. Thomas Edison attempted to invent the light bulb 1,000 times before he succeeded. Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of imagination! Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected 28 times. The biggest mistake I could make is to think I lack the stuff they had. Failures and mistakes are not supposed to paralyze me; they’re supposed to help me come to know who I am and what makes me the most content and happy.

From a poem by an unknown author here’s what I wish for us all:

Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.

There’s much to do and my prospects for 2013 are exciting. I am grateful for the unexpected happenings and fresh opportunities that are swirling around me now in a soup of life that seems to be trying to make my dreams come true. And all I have to do is show up, do my part, belief in myself and not be afraid to fail.

Don’t wait.
The time will never be just right.
Napoleon Hill