Month: September 2012

Swallowing the Bitter Pill

/ James Browning

I am not bad person. Never have I intentionally hurt others. Yet, unintentionally, through selfishness, dysfunction and compulsion I have deeply hurt some of the ones I have cared about most.

Graphically illustrated, that’s in line with the difference between murder and man slaughter. Maybe the latter crime is considered to be less, but a killer is still a killer whether deliberate or not. No matter what contributing factors there may have been, I am responsible for what I do.  Nothing can diminish that. Part of taking responsibility for my past actions is swallowing the bitter pill of knowing I’m guilty of the pain I caused, regardless of whether I did nor did not mean to cause the hurt.

Acceptance of the past is a big step in moving beyond it. The realization was critical in getting unstuck from the past.  Today I can look back and see the results of my actions while not beating myself up too badly about it. My self-disgust of my past used to be brutal. Today it is mostly scar tissue from healed wounds. That’s huge and a healthy move of self-forgiveness. I have learned it’s near impossible to forgive others when I can’t forgive myself.

I have learned that the person I have to ask for forgiveness from the most is: myself. You must love yourself. You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a shortcoming, a flaw; you have to tell yourself “That’s just fine”. You have to forgive yourself so much, until you don’t even see those things anymore. Because that’s what love is like. C. Joybell C.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat… Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established… Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation… Forgiveness does not excuse anything… You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. W. Paul Young

Self-forgiveness is a long process of intentional erosion of guilt for a wrong I hold me responsible for. Much like receiving a reduced sentence in a court of law, to personally lighten my self-imposed retribution for a past transgression is when I begin to heal. I am grateful at this point in my life I have the ability to let go of most of the past and be largely alive in the present.

Forgiveness is the fragrance
that the violet sheds
on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain

Seek Wisdom, Not Knowledge

/ James Browning

What was hidden away by three generations of my white ancestors is a strong reason for pride for me: the remnants of Alabama Cherokee in my blood: deluded now, but a strong 1/8th of me.

Native American Ten Commandments

1. Treat the Earth and all that dwell therein with respect.

2. Remain close to the Great Spirit.

3. Show great respect for your fellow beings.

4. Work together for the benefit of all Mankind.

5. Give assistance and kindness wherever needed.

6. Do what you know to be right.

7. Look after the well-being of Mind and Body.

8. Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater Good.

9. Be truthful and honest at all times.

10. Take full responsibility for your actions.

http://www.tranquilwaters.uk.com/nativeamerican.html

My European heritage is tempered with Native American ancestry. The small amount of the latter often keeps the majority of the former in balance. I am grateful.

Seek wisdom, not knowledge.
Knowledge is of the past.
Wisdom is of the future.
Native American saying

A Gift Above All Others

/ James Browning

The trouble is, you think you have time.
Buddha

I ran across that Buddhism quote and it stopped me completely still in though for a few moments. Silently, the thought rang inside “I always thought I had plenty of time… lots and lots of it”. That’s not intended to be a morbid comment in any way. My doctor says I am healthy and as far as I can now there are many years of life yet ahead of me. Nor do I think I have wasted my time in a regretful way, although that thought has to be shooed away once in a while.

Coming to the realization of how many years are behind me and the smaller number in front causes today, this moment, to be very valuable. Time alive is a gift above all others on this Earth. I am grateful every minute of every day I have had and will live.

When younger I did not listen to those older with life experiences I could have learned from. I don’t suspect someone a lot youngerto see that as anything except a tired comment bantered around all the time.  Today or one day, it becomes truth to all of us.

Here’s the skinny: I wish I had listened to more of the advice of my elders when I was younger. Then I would not have had their words ring so loudly true later when life taught they spoke the truth.

So I step up on my soapbox state to three simple things:

1. Time is precious.
2. Those you love are your true riches: nothing else matters much.
3. Show as much kindness and understanding as you possibly can to those you love.
4. We are never gentle and tender enough to those we care about.
5. Forgive even when others won’t.

From experience I know those things can change your world. They did mine. I am very grateful.

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases
and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.
Wayne Dyer

Photo: Anamaya Yoga Resort, Montezuma, Costa Rica http://www.anamayaresort.com/

60 Things to Be Grateful For

/ James Browning

Some days we all run a little short of gratitude and need to be reminded of the gifts in our lives.  Here’s a list to tuck away somewhere and pull out on “one of those days” that was posted by Celestine Chua on tinybuddha.com.

Here are 60 things to be grateful for in our lives:

1. Your parents – For giving birth to you. Because if there is no them, there will not be you.
2. Your family – For being your closest kin in the world
3. Your friends – For being your companions in life
4. Sense of sight – For letting you see the colors of life
5. Sense of hearing – For letting you hear trickle of rain, the voices of your loved ones, and the harmonious chords of music
6. Sense of touch – For letting you feel the texture of your clothes, the breeze of the wind, the hands of your loved ones
7. Sense of smell – For letting you smell scented candles, perfumes, and beautiful flowers in your garden
8. Sense of taste – For letting you savor the sweetness of fruits, the saltiness of seawater, the sourness of pickles, the bitterness of bitter gourd, and the spiciness of chilli
9. Your speech – For giving you the outlet to express yourself
10. Your heart – For pumping blood to all the parts of your body every second since you were born; for giving you the ability to feel
11. Your lungs – For letting you breathe so you can live
12. Your immune system – For fighting viruses that enter your body. For keeping you in the pink of your health so you can do the things you love.
13. Your hands – So you can type on your computer, flip the pages of books, and hold the hands of your loved ones
14. Your legs – For letting you walk, run, swim, play the sports you love, and curl up in the comfort of your seat
15. Your mind – For the ability to think, to store memories, and to create new solutions
16. Your good health – For enabling you to do what you want to do and for what you’re about to do in the future
17. Your school – For providing an environment conducive to learning and growing
18. Your teachers – For their dedication and for passing down knowledge to you
19. Tears – For helping you express your deepest emotions
20. Disappointment – So you know the things that matter to you most
21. Fears – So you know your opportunities for growth
22. Pain – For you to become a stronger person
23. Sadness – For you to appreciate the spectrum of human emotions
24. Happiness – For you to soak in the beauty of life
25. The Sun – For bringing in light and beauty to this world
26. Sunset – For a beautiful sight to end the day
27. Moon and Stars – For brightening up our night sky
28. Sunrise – For a beautiful sight to start the morning
29. Rain – For cooling you when it gets too warm and for making it comfy to sleep in on weekends
30. Snow – For making winter even more beautiful
31. Rainbows – For a beautiful sight to look forward to after rain
32. Oxygen – For making life possible
33. The Earth – For creating the environment for life to begin
34. Mother nature – For covering our world in beauty
35. Animals – For adding to the diversity of life
36. Internet – For connecting you and me despite the physical space between us
37. Transport – For making it easier to commute from one place to another
38. Mobile phones – For making it easy to stay in touch with others
39. Computers – For making our lives more effective and efficient
40. Technology – For making impossible things possible
41. Movies – For providing a source of entertainment
42. Books – For adding wisdom into your life
43. Blogs – For connecting you with other like-minded people
44. Shoes – For protecting your feet when you are out
45. Time – For a system to organize yourself and keep track of activities
46. Your job – For giving you a source of living and for being a medium where you can add value to the world
47. Music – For lifting your spirits when you’re down and for filling your life with more love
48. Your bed – For you to sleep comfortably in every night
49. Your home – For a place you can call home
50. Your soul mate – For being the one who understands everything you’re going through
51. Your best friends – For being there for you whenever you need them
52. Your enemies – For helping you uncover your blind spots so you can become a better person
53. Kind strangers – For brightening up your days when you least expect it
54. Your mistakes – For helping you to improve and become better
55. Heartbreaks – For helping you mature and become a better person
56. Laughter – For serenading your life with joy
57. Love – For letting you feel what it means to truly be alive
58. Life’s challenges – For helping you grow and become who you are
59. Life – For giving you the chance to experience all that you’re experiencing, and will be experiencing in time to come
And last but not least… #60:
You.

For being who you are and touching the world with your presence. For being alive and reading this post. For giving me the chance to touch your life and fulfill my purpose to help others. You are the reason I live. Thank you.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/60-things-to-be-grateful-for-in-life/

We often take for granted
the very things that most deserve our gratitude.
Cynthia Ozick

My Reason to ‘Rise and Do’

/ James Browning

When viewed as a whole, my life has been richly blessed. From love to a child to success and much more, life has been good. My life has had an ample share of heartache and difficulty but when viewed as a part of the whole, those times add contrast and color to the happier times. There are many splashes of color yet to be, but something to get up in the morning for is what keeps me going.

“A Man Must Want” by  Edgar A. Guest

It’s wanting keeps us young and fit.
It’s wanting something just ahead
And striving hard to come to it,
That brightens every road we tread.

That man is old before his time
Who is supremely satisfied
And does not want some hill to climb
Or something life has still denied.

The want of poverty is grim,
It has a harsh and cruel sting,
But fill the cup up to the brim,
And that’s a far more hopeless thing.

A man must want from day to day,
Must want to reach a distant goal
Or claim some treasure far away,
For want’s the builder of the soul.

He who has ceased to want has dropped
The working tools of life and stands
Much like an old-time clock that’s stopped
While time is moldering his hands.

I’m truly sorry for the man,
Though he be millionaire or king,
Who does not hold some cherished plan
And says he does not want a thing.

What is the spur that drives us on
And oft its praises should be sung,
For man is old when want is gone
It’s what we want that keeps us young.

It is my ‘want’ to express myself, be understood and contribute something positive that drives me these days. For each and everyone who even once reads what I write here, thank you. You are part of my reason to ‘rise and do’ each day.

My formula for living is quite simple.
I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night.
In between, I occupy myself as best I can.
Cary Grant

500th Good Morning Gratitude Posting

/ James Browning

Desiderada Too
Found in a South Australian kitchen.

Don’t go placidly amid the apathy and lethargy. Remember that your silence is consent and there can be no peace where there is injustice.

You can’t please all the people all the time, so shout your truth from the mountain top and don’t accept nonsense from the bigoted, the ignorant and the self-serving.

Don’t avoid people who are upset. They may have good reasons and your care and interest may make them less aggressive.

Be tolerant of the diversity that makes everyone special and be aware that there are no persons greater or lesser than yourself.

Don’t live in the past or future. Enjoy the present.

Don’t become obsessed by your own career. It cannot give you security or possession of anything or anyone.

Exercise trust in your dealings but be circumspect, as the world is full of materialists.

Become yourself. Express affection for all people and all species.

Be skeptical about romance for it is as transient as a summer flower.

Don’t become tired in your ways and never surrender your sense of wonder. Don’t be defensive. Be optimistic and imaginative.

Fatigue and loneliness are born of fear. Be rigorous in accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

You are a child of your less than perfect parents and like the trees and the stars your time will pass. And whether or not it is clear to you, things are not working out nearly as well as they could.

Whatever you conceive God to be, also be aware that every single thing you do actually changes the world. Dreams cannot be broken and they will give you no peace if you don’t act with integrity.

Unfortunately, this world is becoming uglier each day.

Be brave.

Strive for the right of all people to make their own paths.

Copyright 1992 Andrew Bunney.

True peace can rarely be imposed from the outside;
it must be born within…  and then carried outward
Jean Vanier 

Through the Eyes of a Child

/ James Browning

For children every thing is new. If you watch a toddler move through a room, their eyes are huge as they take it all in. They have no expectation – just a wonderment and joy that comes from exploring their universe.

As we get older, most of us lose that joy and wonderment. We move into autopilot, and become focused on the future and the past – the present is something to move through. It’s a gateway toward reaching goals.

When we lose our wonderment for the present, we begin to say things like, “I will be happy when…” or “I will be satisfied when…” Instead of “I am happy.” “I am satisfied.”

Happiness comes from seeing the world as it exists now; finding happiness in the moment, in the present. It’s a conscious act of de-programming our autopilot and becoming truly aware of where we are in space and time, to truly connect with our inner joy and gratitude.

Once way to do this is spend an hour in nature walking. With every step feel the muscles in your legs move to propel you forward. Embrace the ground underneath supporting you. Feel the sun warming you, the wind caressing your body. Become the bird that flutters past or the ant that scurries along the trail. As you open yourself up and become aware of your surroundings, taking in all the small details, you will find your body slows down. Calmness will emerge, as will a sense of joy and wonderment. Even if only for a few moments, you will once again see with the eyes of a child. Paige Oxlaj 

Being in a different place wakes me up to my surroundings.  Out of my home routine while visiting my son in Colorado I am much more aware of the mountains, the trees, even the wind.  I am grateful for this heightened awareness and know arriving home I will be a little more appreciative of my day to day environment.  Life is good.

Through the eyes of a child
the world is full of wonder.
Through the eyes of a child
it’s sunshine, rain or thunder.
Through the eyes of a child
life’s just an endless game.
Through the eyes of a child
there’s only adults to blame.
Through the eyes of a child
it’s schooldays and fun days.
Through the eyes of a child
it’s fascinating always.
Through the eyes of a child
it’s beach, buckets and sand.
Through the eyes of a child
life’s so easy to understand.
Now what about us – you and me?
Where’s our eyes of a child?
From a post by “genegem”

You Bring Me Joy

/ James Browning

The years have not caused me to forget. Still there are remnants of feelings strong beyond explanation. You cracked me wide-open and I was never the same again.

Was it because you loved me so unwaveringly deep and passionately?

Was it because you were so exotic and intelligent that you were able to enter my heart so easily?

Was it because I filled your need to be loved?

Or you filled mine?

It was all these things and a hundred more. There was a time we found ‘home’ in each other’s arms.

Once in a great while a feeling of loneliness for you, and you only, still touches down to the quick of my heart. Always I smile with hope that you are well and happy. You married in your 30’s and our contact appropriately stopped not too longer after.

Maybe my memory has elevated what we shared to a fantasy beyond fact. Although our love covered a lot of years it was not long when measured in the actual length of time we spent together. But in weight of what was shared we took a trip around the world.

Times change.
People move on.
Some grow together.
Some grow apart.

Some like we knew each other at the wrong time. I was still a boy in a man’s body pretending he knew what he wanted and needed. I pushed you away because I was afraid to be cared about as much as you loved me.

Hidden away safely, even for the time being from myself, is the only physical memory I have of you: the gift you gave me of a small music box shaped like a heart with a beautiful photo of  you inside. It will go to my safe deposit box once I find it again.

I will always be grateful that once I knew you and for the space you occupy in my memories. The pain has long evaporated and today only a sweet memory remains. There has been no greater love in my life. I’m grateful that whenever I hear Anita Baker singing you always come to mind…

If I can’t see your face,
I will remember that smile
’Cause you’re the finest thing
I’ve seen in all my life.
You bring me joy.
From an Anita Baker’s “You Bring Me Joy” by David Lasley

A New Way to Remember

/ James Browning

My dysfunctions have been with me all of my adult life. However, conditions like depression, compulsion and trauma from childhood were not clearly known to me until the last ten years.  When I began to ask “why” particular behaviors came over me in certain circumstances and situations, a true effort to educate myself started. In trying to understand some of my actions, I read book after book after book.

My studies were primarily two-fold: 1) about human behavior and why we do the things we do 2) about religion and how spirituality affects a person. Over several years I became fairly well-educated in the realm of psychology and generally knowledgeable about the origins of a wide number of religions and the spiritual practices that grew out of them. After all this time I was smarter and quite a bit kinder to others, but inside I was not a whole lot better.

Of particular attraction to me were some of the basic tenants of Buddhism. There I found direction about learning to live a better life contained within the “Eightfold Noble Path”.

 

This on top of the “Ten Commandments” of Christianity became a sort of roadmap for improving the quality my existence. Other teachings of Buddha helped me as well such as I was not my thoughts and how my constantly chattering mind can at times create insane lines of thinking. Having these insights made me more knowledgeable and I did get better, just not enough to overcome my demons.

…The problems of the mind cannot be solved on the level of the mind. Once you have understood the basic dysfunction there isn’t really much else that you need to learn or understand. Studying the complexities of the mind may make you a good psychologist, but doing so won’t take you beyond the mind, just as the study of madness isn’t enough to create sanity… From the second chapter of Eckhart Tolle’s “Power of Now”

What Tolle wrote explains well the dilemma I ended up lost within. Alone, I could not fix myself. I needed help. In some ways I wish I could say that realization came to me easily, but it didn’t. It took the ending of a marriage I did not want to be over and coming to face to face with the reasons why that were my responsibility. What I came to know is all of my romantic relationships had suffered because of childhood issues that had never been dealt with. It was like being hit in the head with a ‘two by four” that brought me to my knees determined to recover.

When the pain to stay the same, exceeded the pain to change, I sought help and truly began to grow and change. There is nothing particularly admirable about it. I simply felt I had no other choice.

Today life is pretty darn good and certainly better than ever before. Am I “fixed”? No, far from it. But I am a lot better and as the months pass, I continue to grow. The past is past, but I recall it differently today as containing my greatest lessons.  With true positive anticipation and hope for the future, I am grateful to be where I am!

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past.
A healed memory is not a deleted memory.
Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget
creates a new way to remember.
We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.
Lewis B. Smedes

Eleven Hints For Life

/ James Browning

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we loseit, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,  the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. 
Unknown

Life has taught me well.  The  joy and good times leave permanent impressions.  The difficult and previous leave their marks.  Each a balance for the other.  I am grateful for the full spectrum of experience my life has and yet will contain.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it.
W. M. Lewis