It’s Monday and time to head back to work. Time to put on business clothes, ready my work face and get ready for “meetin’ & greetin” people.

When meeting someone for the first time or often after not seeing a person for a while most in the western world shake hands. This used to be a gesture used largely by men, but in this age of improved gender equality shaking hands is just about as frequent for women. The ancient Greeks shook hands in similar fashion to how we do today as a gesture of friendliness, hospitality, and trust. In Europe during the Middle Ages, kings and knights would extend their hands to one another to show that they were not carrying a weapon and bore the other party no harm.

A “normal handshake” is described as: Firm; shake once or twice, but no more than three times; lasts for 5 seconds maximum. There are variations and anomalies.  Sales Psychology Expert, Dr. Gregory Stebbins has categorized what he calls the “Top 10 Handshake Types”:

1. Sweaty Palms – When a person is nervous their sympathetic nervous system often becomes overactive, sometimes resulting in sweaty palms.
2. Dead Fish – Indifferent handshakes that feel like the person has no bones in their hand often indicate a passive or reserved personality.
3. Brush Off – This handshake type is a quick grasp and then a release that feels like your hand being shoved aside.
4. Controller – You feel your hand being pulled toward the person or strongly guided in a different direction, perhaps towards a chair.
5. Politician – Your hand is firmly grasped as in a normal handshake. However, their other hand may cover yours or be placed on your forearm or shoulder.
6. Finger Vice – When someone grabs your fingers and not your entire hand it is meant to keep you at a distance.
7. Bone Crusher – The message of squeezing your hand until you cringe is clearly designed to intimidate you.
8. Lobster Claw – Like the claw of a lobster, the other person’s thumb and fingers touch the palm of your hand.
9. Hand Wrestler – Your hand is taken normally and then aggressively twisted under the other person’s.
10. Teacup – This handshake feels normal except that there is no palm-to-palm contact. The other person’s palm is cupped, like a teacup.

Then there is the more informal greeting expressed to those we often see or as a telephone salutation. I wonder how many times today I will hear “how are you” or some derivative such as “how ‘ya doing'” or “how you be”. Today I am going to attempt to keep count. As I do, I plan to hesitate a second before responding so I can notice how many actually wait for a response.

My usual response is “every day is a good day; some are just better than others”. Today I am going to try some new ones that I found on-line and see what response I get back from people. On my list to possibly use today are variations on the theme of my typical response, some just for fun and others on the wacko side.

Typical Responses
Getting better by the minute.
If I were any better there would be two of me.
Living and learning.
Excellent, but improving!
Doing great, in fact I can’t wait until tomorrow.
I am getting better every day.
Living the dream!
Feeling lucky and living large.

Fun Responses
If I was doing any better vitamins would be taking ME!
I am so excellent, if there was a law against it I would be arrested.
If I was any better I would have to run backwards to keep from flying.
My Mom tells me to quit smiling’ all the time or my face will freeze that way!
I’m still pleasantly pushing a pulse, thanks for asking.
If I were any better you’d have to tie me down ’cause I’d flying.
Happier than a cat in a room full of catnip.
I am functioning within established parameters.

‘Out there’ Responses
If I were any better, I’d need pom-poms!
Having more fun than a human should be allowed to have with their clothes on!
 If I were any better, Energizer would give me my own drum.
Hanging’ in there like a hair in a biscuit!
Much better .. according to my psychiatrist.
If I were any better, I’d have my own page on Wikipedia.
A bit gaseous…oh.. wait… never mind.
Totally Charged. Don’t get to close though, sometimes sparks shoot out my nipples.

After writing this piece I am in an incredibly good mood. Thinking about seeing people, shaking hands and trying some of these response lines to “how are you” have enhanced my day already. How cool! I am grateful.

We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers,
who begin to interest us at first sight,
somehow suddenly, all at once,
before a word has been spoken.”
Fydor Dostoevsky