Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.
Epicurus

Looking back I can see lacking moderation burned brightly through the majority of my life.  Only a few years ago I began to see how out of control my behavior was.  That awareness was a shock at first but over time became my personal catalyst for growth and evolution.  
 
Gone are the days of believing I was earning some sort of merit badge to be one of the very last people to leave work each day.  In hindsight what I was trying to prove with that behavior escapes me.  Was I trying to make others think more highly of me because of my hardcore work ethic?  Was I attempting to prove worth to myself?  Was I avoiding things outside of work?  Correct answer:  all three!
 
Once upon a time the home life I cultivated contained even more mania.  Always there was a consuming interest that filled my time away from work.  Learning to fly and owning an airplane filled my spare time for around a decade.  Then came my photography studio for ten years where I worked on average of two nights per week and a day and a half each weekend in addition to my very demanding full-time job.  These and other “interests” were “blocking tools” to avoid dealing with things that needed attention.  Each was a sort of madness I used as something to run away into.  As long as I kept running away I did not have to deal with things. Oh, did I say I was married and had a son in school while I was lost in this craziness?

From the book “Now Is the Time” by Patrick Lindsay
Life rushes between the mundane and madness.
Contentment is often found in moderation.
Balance is elusive.
But simply seeking it allows you to avoid excesses.
Don’t make it a contest:
Allow things to happen naturally.
You’ll be surprised how often they center themselves
And open up vast possibilities.

Running away and living a relentlessly manic life eventually became tiring.  Under the weight of accumulated regret and sheer exhaustion what I was running away from caught up with me.  My junk from childhood tackled and took me down.  My only escape was to finally deal with it all.  And then the day came when the desire to remain the same was more painful than the risk to evolve.
 
Last evening I spent time looking carefully through a notebook and other materials I saved from the five weeks I voluntarily choose to spend at The Meadows http://www.themeadows.com/.  In 2007, it was there I sought treatment for depression, compulsion and childhood trauma.  Until last night my notes from that time had not been touched for over 4 years.   There is no way to have known in advance what an emotional experience reading and looking back would be.
 
Looking through the materials, readily apparent was how far I had come in the fifty months since my recovery began in earnest.  It did my self-image good to see all those baby steps taken day by day since then had accumulated into great positive personal growth.  It was also clear how screwed up I was before my work began in earnest to have a better life. 
 
In a notebook I found there is this I wrote about sexual compulsion:  I came to the Meadows to learn how to learn to manage my addiction; to find a way to keep from damaging my life.  I have been celibate for almost eight months, but I know it was just a matter of time like it has always been in my adult life before eventually I got triggered again.  Most of all my addiction has hurt me, damaged me and caused me to carry a pile of unnecessary shame.  I am tired of it, sick to my bones of the addiction.  There is no peace in my life that I need so badly. 
 
Hand written a few pages later was: By giving in I already have found some relief to my chronic pain from my addiction.  It gives me joy to know that with my Higher Power I can move forward with my life:  one life, not two.  Not one in the open and one secret like before.  I just need to use what I have learned, accept help and stop trying to do it all by myself.  I need to remember I am enough, to love myself and keep my faith in my Higher Power. 
 
Just below I wrote:  I’m 54 years old and I want peace, I need it and will do whatever I can to attain it. 
 
That is exactly what happened.  In the four years since those passages were written a good measure of peace and balance has come into my life.  Truthfully the words “I am happy” can come from my mouth.  And for the first time I have fallen in love without all the noise and dysfunction within me.  I am  very grateful for how far I have come.

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.  Rachel Naomi Remen