If one goes looking for a definition of ‘soul mate’ you’ll find something like: two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view and sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity, similarity, and compatibility and they for you.   

In his Plato’s dialogue “The Symposium”, Aristophanes presents a story about soul mates.  In it humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.  It is from just such a lovely story that the concept of “split-aparts” and “soul mates” likely grew. 

Years and years are frequently spent by many searching for that one “soul mate”.  A deep yearning drives those for a near perfect match.  The common assumption is, if and when, that ideal counterpart is found; “happily-ever-after” comes true until parted by death. 

Over time my beliefs about soul mates has evolved and changed.  For years I labored under the concept there was one, and only one woman in the world that was meant just for me and I for them.  My belief in soul mates is still strong, but now it is clear to me some people may have several soul mates in a lifetime. 

My perfect fit in my 20’s ended up being quite different from the soul mate that fit me in my 40’s.  While the basic underpinnings of whom I am remained relatively constant, true needs and wants evolved and morphed over time.  It is that changing and growing, sometimes in different directions that can make what was once a union of soul mates into a union of two near strangers that ends a relationship.   A person may come into my life as a mutually perfect fit for a time and then not be later. 

Hindsight has a certain clarity that a short-term view does do not.  In retrospect I can see that my first wife was my soul mate at the time we met.  She brought to my life stability, compassion and my first real experience with adult love.  In many ways I flourished with her and that stability helped me to build a successful career and some degree of contentment.  There was seven years of a good marriage.  Things change, people evolve and relationships drift.  We did just that.  Habit and comfort replaced the originally shared intimacy and joy until there was no glue to hold us together anymore. 

My second marriage was also to a soul mate.  She brought to my life a sweetness of love with a sort of innocent and beautiful naïveté.  With her I learned to have good old-fashioned fun which I had mostly denied myself previously.  It was in this relationship I was able to let go and love with all my heart and soul, something I had been unable to do before.  The roller coaster manner of the relationship came from dysfunctions that were conditioned into us as children.  In some ways we never really had a long-term chance, but for a time joy reigned between us.  It is ironic that the destruction of the relationship ended up being the motivator to get the help I needed and to get into recovery from my childhood junk.  Life and love are both highly mysterious journeys.

For times more brief I believe there may have been others that I can look back on and honestly say we were for a time soul mates.  Some were not lovers and instead the truest of friends.  It is the concept of having more than one soul mate during a lifetime I have come around to seeing.  That brings me great encouragement as it opens the door to believe yet another soul mate is out there waiting for our mutual discovery of each other. 

Maybe if we humans were only spiritual beings, two could find each other and spend a blissful eternity together.  We are flesh and blood though, with our imperfections, quirks, accumulated pain and narrow perceptions.   We change, grow up and grow old.  We mature and evolve.  We find wisdom through the trial and error of experience and those lessons transform us.    

This morning I have a happy heart with bright hope in my soul.  For those who have walked my path with me on a soul level, I am deeply grateful.  I thank you for your love, kindness, support, caring and all the good we shared.  I will never forget it.  For the future, I have hope that another that moves my soul will once again find me.  I am grateful to be the most ready for such a gift I have ever been.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life…  Elizabeth Gilbert