In my life there have been a few people I became close enough to that they felt like a devoted relative.  As I told one dear friend years ago, “If I got to choose who was in my family, you’d be in mine”.  At the time I thought of G—- truly as my “brother” and told him so.  Even today I still feel that way although the friendship has long not been practiced.  We met over twenty years ago and for the first fifteen the relationship grew closer with many wonderful memories. 

It was a natural occurrence that two men who were close would have wives who likewise become good friends.  I encouraged it knowing my 2nd wife had many acquaintances, but few close friends. It was pleasing to me when the two women became “buds”. 

When my wife filed for divorce, my friend and his wife sided with her.  The fact he had been my friend more than a decade longer than the couple had known my soon-to-be-ex did not seem to matter.  In talking to others I have come to know that friends getting divided up like marital assets in a marriage breakup is not uncommon.  “Sides” get picked.  Most friends of a couple choose one or the other partner and rarely does anyone stay close to both.  Sadly that is what happened for me and my friend put great distance between us and became highly judgmental of me.

After a couple of years passed G. was in town and called, wanting to see me.  Although knowing it would hurt to see him, I still cared and was glad he had called.  I harbored this little hope that getting together would be like old times.  It was for a moment.  By the time I arrived, my friend had already enjoyed a few beers and was talking to some mutual acquaintances.  After visiting for a while with the group, G. and I broke off to one side to talk.  With tears in his eyes I heard him say how sorry he was for turning his back and not being there when I needed him.  He apologized for being taken in so fully with my ex’s side of things and not giving me the benefit of the doubt.  On and on he went to the point of it being embarrassing for me.  

Smiling at one point I told my friend to please let it go because I had forgiven him a long while ago.  He asked how I could do that after what he did.  I said simply “because I love you, man”.  We shared a silent moment with neither having a dry eye after those words came from my mouth.  He followed up telling me he wanted us to get together whenever he was in town.  My reply was “I’d like that”.  I have not seen him since.   

I continue to send G. a small Christmas present each year so he knows I still think of him.  He does not reciprocate which does not bother me (much).  My reason for giving is not hoping to get something in return.  At one point I had a little talk with myself asking was I sending a gift each year to “rub his nose” into the rift between us or because I cared about him.  I am glad to say I concluded the reason was the latter and will continue to send a small present to him each year.  Once in a while I feel sad that our friendship is no longer practiced.  Occasionally the feeling of betrayal returns.  I always end up recalling a good moment we shared laughing and enjoying each other.  Then all is well again.  When I can remember the goodness of what once was my gratitude is always strong within me.  

A few things I have learned about friendship: 

1 – Friends will come and friends will go.  Most friendships last only for a time.  Rare is one that lasts a lifetime

2 – No friendship is ever a waste or a mistake.

3 – Sometimes “I’m sorry” will repair things, but other times it won’t.

4 – People are all created “perfectly imperfect”.   They will get on my nerves, they will disappoint me, they won’t always meet my expectations, they will break my heart.

5 – Sometimes I will be the friend to another who does the things in #4.

7 – I’ve learned who my truest friends are when I made a wrong decision and they don’t judge me for it or try to force me to do something different. 

8 – Most friendships don’t end; they just drift apart over time. 

9 – Friendships don’t just happen.  They take tending and care.  I have to stay present in another’s life for friendship to remain strong and healthy.  If I don’t make the effort then time will leave the friendship behind.

10 – All people who are your friend even for just a time are gifts to your life.  Cherish the memories and never forget the good. 

11 – Friendships will often fall apart and not be fix-able.  Life goes on.

12 – Learn from each friendship how to be a better friend to others. 

Each person has a story. Each story is different and has a tale to tell to those who are willing to listen. Each story has so many things to accomplish, and each story never ends. They are all special in their own little ways. Every story wants to be told. They hold secrets, gossip, tragedies, miracles, love, and heartache inside. So open up your heart and listen to the music of people’s souls. Unknown