When someone asks “how are you doing”, what will your response be?  A frequent answer received when I ask the “how are you” question is “fine”.  I often smile to myself when I hear the “fine” response because of a meaning I learned psychologists often assign to that word. 

F = Freaked out
I = Insecure
N = Neurotic
E = Emotional

Of course, I don’t think most people really intend to impart that meaning with a “fine” response.  Rather it is usually just a reflex answer given without thought. That is if they even get a chance to answer.  It is not uncommon for the person asking the question to not expect an answer because “how are you” has become something akin to a salutation like “good morning”. 

One of the mantras often heard in recovery is “fake it until you make it” which means act like you are already where you hope to be.  When I first heard about that suggested practice I thought it sounded trite if not absolutely absurd.  I was initially convinced there was no way such a practice could help with the depression I fought from time to time.  I was wrong.  Eventually I tried it and found it works!  I discovered much of my life was painted by the emotion and mood I bathed myself in.  At first putting a better face on troubled and challenging times seemed like a waste of time.  I was encouraged to keep it up and within a few weeks pretending to be in a better mood almost always made me feel better, at least for a little while.  Slowly but surely the effect got stronger and lasted longer.     

The answer I have adopted to a greeting such as “how’s your day” is “every day is a good day, some are just better than others”.  By saying that I am not stating everything is wonderful.  Instead I simply have decided that no day is “bad”.  A challenging day?  Quite possibly!  But that does not mean it is “a bad day”.  I came to realize that each day was at least to a degree what I made of it.  

I have been amazed how my adopted response of “every day is a good day” affects other people.  It almost always seems to make people think and usually gets a positive reaction.  I have been astonished by how many people crack a smile when I say that to them.  Sometimes I end up feeling a person needed some sort of little reminder that life is ok, that it does not 100% suck and that everything will be OK.  Speaking the phrase always makes me feel even better too.  Once in a while I have said it to a person who seems to have doom and gloom as a major part of their regular persona.  My standard saying seems to confuse those folks.  I am optimistic them hearing it lends something to turn over in their mind.  I hope given time the thought takes root within and lends a glimmer of hope to their life. 

I believe my subconscious hears everything I say and, positive or negative, it is filed away in my general awareness.  If I fill my thinking with a “bad day” mentality and speak it aloud my happiness will darkens and additional gloom will get added to any heartache, difficulty and tragedy.  It is my choice to make things worse or better for myself.

Make no mistake; I have not become a bouncing off the walls, giddy and goofy “happy face” guy.  That would be delusional.  Instead I simply resist being Mr. Gloom.  I do my best to bear each of my troubles with grace and hope.  Some days it works great.  Other days it only helps a little.  But it always helps!                        

Every person fights their own life battles, endures heartache and tragedy and is challenged by life.  I figure they don’t need me to add to their wows by me dumping on them simply because they asked me how I was doing. I am aware of how another’s good or bad mood can affect my frame of mind and try hard to only put goodness into the world.  Success at that endeavor does not always come, but it is in the trying that I make things better for my self and those I come in contact with.  I am deeply grateful for this insight that improves my quality of life every single day! 

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.  Viktor Frankl