Not long ago today I arrived home from having breakfast with a friend, one I enjoy being around more and more the longer I know him.  The bonus this morning was he brought his wife, who is interesting, compassionate and considerate in her distinctive way just as her husband is uniquely original in his.  Long after the meal, we sat and talked.  My day is better for having had their physical presence near me at the start of this Saturday.  

M. was my dentist for well over a decade before he retired from that profession.  His chair-side manner was always entertaining during my appointments and the funny things he said never failed to make me grin and laugh.  With humor as the first face he shows, I wonder if he even realizes the genuine warmth he has about him.  The fondness I feel toward him is something I hope he has a hint of as such deep feelings are not easily and openly expressed in our friendship.  

D., his wife, has been his partner in life and business for almost all of their adult lives.  I can think of no couple I know who is a better example of a successful partnership and marriage.  In the early years of M’.s practice they were a near 24-hour team between work and home.  He did the dentistry and she ran the office.   Through the years they have continued that sort of relationship in many other ways.

There’s an old story that has long been told that goes something like this:  A long time ago in ancient Greece, there lived a man named Socrates, who was highly knowledgeable and an esteemed philosopher. One fine day, a student told Socrates that he had some information to tell him about his friend. Before he would let him talk further, Socrates told him he must take ‘Triple Filter Test’.

The first phase of the ‘Triple Filter Test’ was the filter of truth. Socrates asked if the student was certain the information he had about his friend was the truth. The younger man said that he had just heard it from another person and was not absolutely certain if the news was true. 

The second filter was that of goodness. Socrates asked if the information was regarding anything good about his friend. The student said it was actually the opposite. 

The third filter was that of usefulness. Socrates asked if the report would be useful to him in any way. The student replied it probably would not.

Socrates responded by saying when a report about a friend is not true, good or useful, it should NOT be conveyed at all. The moral of the story is while it is always a temptation to participate in loose gossip when it comes to your friends it is especially not a good thing. You know your close friends better than most others and should rely on what you know first hand to be true.  One shows their caring by avoiding the temptation to talk negatively behind the back of one’s dearest friends.   

So today I write this behind the back of my two friends, but will be posting it for all to see.  I think Socrates would be pleased.  What I have said here is the “truth”.  What I write is based in “goodness” and I believe “useful” in reminding me and others to value in thought and action those dear friends we share our lives with.  

I am at a loss to explain specifically why my friendship with M. & D. is as meaningful to me as it is.  Why the two of them took an interest in me and have continued to care about me through some of the most difficult years of my life is beyond my full ability to grasp.  I choose not to go forward with speculation of the reason why and instead end up where I do with many blessings at this stage of my life.  Simply, I accept “what is” with a grateful heart and mind with the knowledge that many of the best things in life can not be “figured out” or fully explained.  

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.  C.S. Lewis