I have been married and divorced twice. Both are longer stories to tell another time, but the failure of both marriages was in majority my fault. In spite of the pain and heartache that came with both of them, I benefited from both marriages.  Not the least of which was two Father-in-Laws who both treated me like a son.  Having basically grown up without a father I learned a great deal from both men about how to be a man and how to be a good Dad myself.

In both cases I always knew either would be there to help me no matter what.  All I had to do was ask.  That was a great deal of comfort that I never said thank you for.  Then there was all the times each did help me that I believe I always said thank you for, but those two words do not express the depth of my gratitude in retrospect.

S. and E. were strong men from a different generation where most got married once and toughed out all difficulties in the union.  They were both hard working and a success in their jobs.  They worked hard at their professions and even harder on their own homes to make them as good for their families as they knew how.  Both were men of high morals and were the sort who would help people without being asked.  From both I learned a lot about how to be a man that today benefits me more than ever.  Interesting how clarity in the rear view comes with time if you look.

Both men were very close to their daughters and were disappointed that the marriages did not end up being “until death do us part”.  They were disappointed in me.  That their daughters were hurt is something I will always regret.  In some ways I can see how forgiving me is a  difficult thing.  If the roles were switched I don’t know if I would be able to forgive.  I know one did forgive before he passed away and I hope one day the other might also.  Even if that does not happen, my gratitude for his role in my life will not be diminished. 

S. & E. were both good men who experienced pain through knowing me.  It has taken a long time for me to forgive myself.  Gratefully I have peace now.  Otherwise I could not write here and put my feelings out there for the world to see.  I am grateful for the legacy both men left me with.  I may not have practiced all of it well when they knew me, but today I am part of their legacies.  I will always be grateful beyond words.

If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.  Rabbi Harold Kushner