Can’t/Won’t/Haven’t/Don’t

Good morning and welcome to a new day filled with possibilities!

Last night by chance I got pulled into the movie “The Adjustment Bureau” and watched the latter 3/4′s of it. I was moved by the story. I know it’s syrupy and filled with storybook fiction, but I can’t/won’t/haven’t/don’t plan to give up my hapless romantic ways. The desire for that sense of being is as indelibly stamped on me as the color of my eyes and the length of my arms. It just is!

My past is filled with a search for perfection in love. Over time becoming more aware and accepting of my own defects and failings has allowed me to see clearly that shortcoming and blemish is a portion of what makes me uniquely who I am. It is no longer the flawless and faultless romance I hope for. However, I won’t settle for less than what moves me to the core of my being. Never!

In my adult life, I haven’t experienced true romance. No one surprising me with dozens of flowers at work. No one sending me love notes. No one writing me poems about my beauty. No one whisking me off to the park for an intimate afternoon picnic. No one shouting at the top of their lungs their adoration for me in a public setting. The one and only time I experienced romance was in college–a phase in life lived in a vacuum that can’t be applied to any other aspects of “real life”. My boyfriend at the time was one of the sweetest, most thoughtful, hopeless romantics a girl could ask for. Thanks to a few lies and indiscretions, the bubble to my happy ending was burst before the ink on my college degree was dried. But I still fondly remember him as part of my movie romance that came partially to fruition.

I realize that there is much more to a successful and healthy relationship (which is ultimately what I want) than a few movie-inspired and grandiose romantic gestures, but I still desire to have a love that is unquestionably real and free. Because above all else, a movie-romance type of love to me is one that symbolizes an uninhibited approach to love, throwing caution to the wind, falling head first into an emotional whirlpool with reckless abandon. I want a romance where love isn’t afraid to show me its face. I want a romance that is willing to look ridiculous, even at the expense of its dignity. I want a romance that hits all 5 of my senses. I want a romance that regards me as its prized possession. I want…. a movie romance. From a post by gemmieboo on http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com/author/gemmieboo/

 unquestionably real and free
an uninhibited approach
caution to the wind

head first into an emotional whirlpool
reckless abandon

all 5 of my senses
isn’t afraid to show me its face
willing to look ridiculous
I can do that!

I wish for the ability to know “movie romance” when it is before me and to act my part well. My constantly searching and questioning mind has caused me to walk right by love of that sort more than once. Thinking something better was possible there were times I simply did not give movie romance a real chance. I am grateful for that awareness and hope it allows me to never do that again.

…once I felt, even for a moment,
what I felt with you. You ruined me.
I didn’t want to settle for less.
Emily Blunt’s Character ‘Elise Sellas” in “The Adjustment Bureau”

About James Browning

A seeker working to grow each day and be a better version of my self. Through sharing I commit myself deeper to my ideals and beliefs.
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